9/7/12
9/5/12
{time}: little moments
For Labor day we went up to Pine Valley to have a fire and escape the heat and it was gorgeous! I actually took pictures this time, so they'll be up soon ;) I hate going to bed smelling like campfire because it sticks to your sheets! So Stella and I hopped in the shower.
I love showering with my babies. Especially when they're still so little...she had been upset before we got in but settled into my chest-content and peaceful. I love having water babies-they're like me. They love the water.
For a second I was washed over with the memory of her being born. Her soft skin, her wet hair, her sweet baby smell...we are so blessed and privileged as women to experience birth and motherhood. It brings tears to my eyes because I feel like you just can't hold on hard enough to all of these little moments before they come and go.
What a difficult time this is..desperately wanting them to stay little and snuggle a little longer but dying of curiosity to see who and what they become. I can't help but encourage progression while wanting so badly to keep them both small. Especially Stella. Seeing the growth day to day in Paisley is too fun..but Stella can stay my squishy little snuggler forever...OOoooo babies.
I love showering with my babies. Especially when they're still so little...she had been upset before we got in but settled into my chest-content and peaceful. I love having water babies-they're like me. They love the water.
For a second I was washed over with the memory of her being born. Her soft skin, her wet hair, her sweet baby smell...we are so blessed and privileged as women to experience birth and motherhood. It brings tears to my eyes because I feel like you just can't hold on hard enough to all of these little moments before they come and go.
What a difficult time this is..desperately wanting them to stay little and snuggle a little longer but dying of curiosity to see who and what they become. I can't help but encourage progression while wanting so badly to keep them both small. Especially Stella. Seeing the growth day to day in Paisley is too fun..but Stella can stay my squishy little snuggler forever...OOoooo babies.
9/4/12
{storytime}: the car
A funny story for your Tuesday (but really Monday because of the holiday) morning:
Years ago our windshield on the Scion cracked pretty severely. So severely that we couldn't pass inspection, which meant we couldn't register our car which eventually led to a ticket. We finally fixed the windshield but unfortunately when they did it they didn't seal it perfectly so when it would rain we would have a waterfall straight into the CD player. I got pregnant with Paisley around the time we figured this out and the only time they could see us back was at 7-8 AM in the morning to fix it. Between the exhaustion and extreme morning sickness I kept putting it off, and kept putting it off and it rains so rarely here that I just wouldn't even think of it until we had a storm. Thankfully the radio and disc player continued to work through all of this once it had dried out...
Anyway, I finally got it fixed (and it still took going back twice!!! grr.) and the radio would work fine. Randomly in the last year it has stopped working in cases of extreme temperature. So whenever its super hot or super cold the radio just doesn't work. This has been a pain with it being such a hot summer the radio has only worked sometimes....until I figured out this really, really random trick:
I drive up to check the mail at our mail boxes, usually when I'm coming back from errands so I have the kids with me. I'm really paranoid about leaving the car running and shutting all the doors so I always crack the window and then get out (to keep the AC going and the cold in). Strangely (and it must be done in this order and all of these things HAVE to happen...I've tried to see if it's just a single action, but it's all of them). If I put the car in neutral, pull up the brake, unlock my door, crack the window and get out and shut the door behind me...the radio will turn back on. Yep. Jon didn't believe me until I showed him. Super random, but I hoped you enjoyed it.
Years ago our windshield on the Scion cracked pretty severely. So severely that we couldn't pass inspection, which meant we couldn't register our car which eventually led to a ticket. We finally fixed the windshield but unfortunately when they did it they didn't seal it perfectly so when it would rain we would have a waterfall straight into the CD player. I got pregnant with Paisley around the time we figured this out and the only time they could see us back was at 7-8 AM in the morning to fix it. Between the exhaustion and extreme morning sickness I kept putting it off, and kept putting it off and it rains so rarely here that I just wouldn't even think of it until we had a storm. Thankfully the radio and disc player continued to work through all of this once it had dried out...
Anyway, I finally got it fixed (and it still took going back twice!!! grr.) and the radio would work fine. Randomly in the last year it has stopped working in cases of extreme temperature. So whenever its super hot or super cold the radio just doesn't work. This has been a pain with it being such a hot summer the radio has only worked sometimes....until I figured out this really, really random trick:
I drive up to check the mail at our mail boxes, usually when I'm coming back from errands so I have the kids with me. I'm really paranoid about leaving the car running and shutting all the doors so I always crack the window and then get out (to keep the AC going and the cold in). Strangely (and it must be done in this order and all of these things HAVE to happen...I've tried to see if it's just a single action, but it's all of them). If I put the car in neutral, pull up the brake, unlock my door, crack the window and get out and shut the door behind me...the radio will turn back on. Yep. Jon didn't believe me until I showed him. Super random, but I hoped you enjoyed it.
8/28/12
{growing up}: ?
Ok, so I really could have spent a little bit more time on this diagram, but it shows my point and I'm all about doing the bare minimum when it comes to these sorts of things...
Jon painted a picture of one of the best analogy's that I've every heard on the subject. And I know this isn't anything new, but aging shouldn't be painted as crossing a map. You aren't moving from one point to another-leaving that piece of you behind as you go. Instead we are more like a ball of wax-growing and developing as we age-taking every piece of ourselves with us as we progress. I didn't leave my love for obnoxious punk music and snowboarding in my teenage years. My ridiculously loud manual transmission car is a souvenir from young adulthood that I really don't want to part with! And I will always love fried chicken and chocolate milk-just like I did when I was 6.
Sometimes it's hard to find balance. It was funny-towards the end of both pregnancies I got a little weird. I start listening to music from high school and wanting more than anything to be back there. I think I freak out a little at where life is taking me-being a Mom is this crazy responsibly and I miss the simplicity of only looking out for myself. But then when I sit down for even a moment to think about it I would never go back...I love my life, my hubby and my babies too much.
Jon reminded me that I don't have to give up everything from my past lives-just continue to grow and mold it into where I am now. And that's what I try to do. I take silly pictures with silly girls, drive my loud car, play at the park with my babies, cliff jump at the lake, and enjoy chocolate milk.
8/26/12
{birthdays}: paisley
This year Paisley's birthday was a complete bust. I had this wonderful plan to have all the children run rampant at a pool instead of at my house, I had these super fun cupcakes in mind for eating, and all in all it was going to be a simple and fun time...
On Friday, the day of the party I found out I had strep (and had had strep for a week by then), and also found out that due to school starting the pool would be closing at 6. (They failed to tell me this when I called and asked them if we could do her party there on the 17th from 6-8...grrr). But in the end it turned out ok. We came here instead, ate delicious costco cake (I wasn't about to bake or touch ANYTHING), and colored my little pony pages. I think she had a good time. I hope so.
I started looking at the folders of her birthday's so far and couldn't help but compare:
1st Birthday:
8/15/12
{thoughts}: the pioneer woman
I've just started to really catch on to a habit I've formed. I'm honestly not completely sure when it started, I know I've mentioned it before on here, but today's "woman" doesn't really intimidate me. It's the pioneer woman that does. (When I say pioneer woman I'm not talking about that sweet woman with the awesome blog with recipes and photo tips, I mean Great Great Great Grandma that crossed the plains) Instead of the traditional "keeping up with the Jone's" I find myself wondering how the pioneer woman would spend her time, how she would fix this problem, and what a better job she probably did raising her kids. Her kids couldn't watch too much TV. She wasn't ever distracted by Pinterest. She couldn't escape to an indoor shower with hot water when she needed a break. She nursed her babies, and had them all naturally. She had no bouncy chair to hold her babies, and no Tylenol for fevers at night. She cooked all of her meals homemade, darned socks instead of buying new ones and probably got up at dawn and slept at dusk. I'm guessing exercising wasn't much of an issue-hauling water, heating water and washing dishes alone sounds like some serious cardio to me! She didn't have a memory foam mattress, air-conditioning or straightener... She intimidates me. She's what I ultimately want to measure myself against. She's who I think about at night when I wonder if I'm doing a good job...
8/6/12
{update}: from my phone!
Okay so it turns out I can blog from my phone... and my phone lets me talk to it and then it does all the typing. Could I be more lazy? Or really more excited?
I am super happy to announce that Stella has been sleeping through the night... a landmark I have been eagerly awaiting!! It turns out that by following some more crunchy parenting techniques I was able to achieve the conventional goal of having my child sleep through the night. I found with her that sleep begets sleep... so I have started holding/wearing her more during the day making sure that she is sleeping more and also have stopped thinking and worrying about sleep being a priority. When she is awake I try to make sure she is wide awake and awake for a little longer. Oddly enough when I would come downstairs and watch tv at 9 instead of trying to be quiet and stay upstairs reading she falls asleep better for the night.... she really likes noise. I also keep feeding her on demand and now that she has put some weight on she's able to make it for longer stretches. I am so grateful and feeling so blessed!
We also blessed Stella this weekend and everything went really well. Of course I completely forgot to get out my camera and do not have a single picture other than the one I instagramed first thing in the morning. My parents surprised us and came down after they said they weren't going to be able to make it and Jon's parents were able to come down as well! We had a full house after the blessing. As I sat in the meeting completely surrounded by so many friends and family I just felt so much love. We really are so blessed when it comes to family and friends.
Things are finally quieting down and life is returning to normal. I was so intimidated to have 2 children, but the longer I have them the more normal it seems and the less scary it becomes. I guess at some point you stop and look around and realize - I'm doing it so I'm okay, right?
Now if we could just get this blazing heat and mugginess to go away...I'm so ready for fall!!
7/30/12
{nostalgia}: anchor memories
Yesterday in church they spoke about the concept of "anchor memories." I'd never heard it put that way...such an interesting idea. Anchor memories are the memories that make you who you are-the big events that you remember. Some of them are all planned-the first time you go to Disneyland, your wedding, the birth of your children and some of them aren't. I just wanted to blog a few that popped into my mind yesterday as we were meeting...
I was at a Jr. High dance in maybe 8th-ish grade, dancing with my "boyfriend" at the time and we were dancing to a song I loved at the time...I can't remember which one. I was singing it to him as we danced and I remember he leaned back and told me that I couldn't sing. I haven't forgotten that, and I still don't sing confidently. Someday I'd love some voice lessons, but in the meantime I just keep my voice down.
The one that came to mind as the meeting was going yesterday was my car accident at 16. My Mom got there first with a neighbor-I wasn't worried to see her. It was my Dad that I was scared to see. The car was totaled. I knew he would kill me. I thought for sure that my collar bone was broken and the van was so crushed around me that they couldn't get me out right away. He pulled up on his way home from work-I don't even think he had any idea anything had happened (ah, the world before cell phones) I saw him run up to the van and all the panic in his eyes. All he cared about was if I was ok. There were no words about the van-he just rushed to see me. I bawled-initially out of terror for what he was going to say, and then out of relief. Sometimes I think you forget that your parents really do love you-especially as a teen for me.
The summer I moved home from college I started going to Institute. I met this kid that I liked, but the Institute semester ended and then we had a break and then moved to the church by the temple in IF. I was standing in the foyer when that same kid walked in the door and I ran up to hug him. There was something significant about this..and I don't know why this particular night was SO significant-but that kid was Jon. As I left later that night he watched me drive away and decided that he was going to marry me (we weren't even dating or anything). It's just so strange that I remember that evening so well-but it was Jon that made the huge life decision that night!
I remember chewing bubble gum on the steps of our home in Alabama. I have few memories of there because I was so little when we left-maybe that's why this stands out. It was then that my Mom taught me to blow bubbles with bubble gum! She never chews gum anymore, but that day she did.
I had the most incredible German teacher in high school. He wasn't just a teacher-he really loved us so much even though he probably wouldn't admit it openly. I was his aide my Senior year and we were writing lesson plans for his German 2 students. He was complaining that no matter how short the lesson plan, he was never able to get through the entire thing...ever. He then said something that really stuck with me "Sometimes we do German, and sometimes we do life. That's teaching." I've had that thought ring through my head so many times when I'm trying to accomplish something and it's just not happening. Sometimes, we don't get to get all the way through our lesson plans...
I was driving in the car with one of my college professors coming back from a commercial shoot. I was talking about my fear of being on my own, of surviving, of whether or not I should get married and if we could ever survive. I remember saying "If I'm on my own I won't have health insurance!" and he said "So? Lots of people don't have insurance..." I had never thought of that before. (Ah, the naivety of youth! I was so spoiled) And there were some years we didn't have insurance...
My parents took my bedroom door. I had to have been 4 or 5. The door-slamming ended that day. That one is burned into my memory forever. It was terrible!!
I dated a cowboy right before Jon. He was much older than me and a quiet character. I think it was good for me to date a grown up for a minute. I remember telling him that I loved him and was so comfortable with him. He said "I know. You love everyone...and is there anyone that you're not comfortable with?" My mom had said this to me before-so of course I never listened to it. But hearing it from him made me realize that I had to look deeper in a relationship that just loving someone and being comfortable with them.
Poor Jon's laptop crashed during finals one year. He stayed up all night trying to fix it only to get an hours worth of sleep so he could head out to take his final. I had quit a good paying job because I hated it and had just finished working at the halloween store for the season. We were living in our sad orange apartment-the one we vowed never to have children in because the carpet was at least 40 years old. That morning I got up, saw Jon off to his final, and found out I was pregnant. I'm embarrassed to admit that I picked up Twilight to distract me while I waited for him to get home. I was reading it at the time and needed ANYTHING to take away the anxiety and panic I was feeling. His face was the best when I told him...I think he was mostly trying not to cry from the stress. Did I mention that we did want a child? We did...until it was upon us. The thing that really stands out is that my Mom rarely calls me-especially without a reason. She called that morning and was like "I just started thinking about you suddenly and needed to call you...what's up?"
There's so many more. I think I wanted to reflect because so much of this is knowledge and memories I want to pass on to my children. I hope I can be as good as my parents were, and I hope my children are as blessed as I was to be surrounded by so many good people with words to share. I think too it helps me to realize that any moment can be one of these anchor memories...so it's important to be prepared-or maybe not to be prepared at all. Who knows...
I was at a Jr. High dance in maybe 8th-ish grade, dancing with my "boyfriend" at the time and we were dancing to a song I loved at the time...I can't remember which one. I was singing it to him as we danced and I remember he leaned back and told me that I couldn't sing. I haven't forgotten that, and I still don't sing confidently. Someday I'd love some voice lessons, but in the meantime I just keep my voice down.
The one that came to mind as the meeting was going yesterday was my car accident at 16. My Mom got there first with a neighbor-I wasn't worried to see her. It was my Dad that I was scared to see. The car was totaled. I knew he would kill me. I thought for sure that my collar bone was broken and the van was so crushed around me that they couldn't get me out right away. He pulled up on his way home from work-I don't even think he had any idea anything had happened (ah, the world before cell phones) I saw him run up to the van and all the panic in his eyes. All he cared about was if I was ok. There were no words about the van-he just rushed to see me. I bawled-initially out of terror for what he was going to say, and then out of relief. Sometimes I think you forget that your parents really do love you-especially as a teen for me.
The summer I moved home from college I started going to Institute. I met this kid that I liked, but the Institute semester ended and then we had a break and then moved to the church by the temple in IF. I was standing in the foyer when that same kid walked in the door and I ran up to hug him. There was something significant about this..and I don't know why this particular night was SO significant-but that kid was Jon. As I left later that night he watched me drive away and decided that he was going to marry me (we weren't even dating or anything). It's just so strange that I remember that evening so well-but it was Jon that made the huge life decision that night!
I remember chewing bubble gum on the steps of our home in Alabama. I have few memories of there because I was so little when we left-maybe that's why this stands out. It was then that my Mom taught me to blow bubbles with bubble gum! She never chews gum anymore, but that day she did.
I had the most incredible German teacher in high school. He wasn't just a teacher-he really loved us so much even though he probably wouldn't admit it openly. I was his aide my Senior year and we were writing lesson plans for his German 2 students. He was complaining that no matter how short the lesson plan, he was never able to get through the entire thing...ever. He then said something that really stuck with me "Sometimes we do German, and sometimes we do life. That's teaching." I've had that thought ring through my head so many times when I'm trying to accomplish something and it's just not happening. Sometimes, we don't get to get all the way through our lesson plans...
I was driving in the car with one of my college professors coming back from a commercial shoot. I was talking about my fear of being on my own, of surviving, of whether or not I should get married and if we could ever survive. I remember saying "If I'm on my own I won't have health insurance!" and he said "So? Lots of people don't have insurance..." I had never thought of that before. (Ah, the naivety of youth! I was so spoiled) And there were some years we didn't have insurance...
My parents took my bedroom door. I had to have been 4 or 5. The door-slamming ended that day. That one is burned into my memory forever. It was terrible!!
I dated a cowboy right before Jon. He was much older than me and a quiet character. I think it was good for me to date a grown up for a minute. I remember telling him that I loved him and was so comfortable with him. He said "I know. You love everyone...and is there anyone that you're not comfortable with?" My mom had said this to me before-so of course I never listened to it. But hearing it from him made me realize that I had to look deeper in a relationship that just loving someone and being comfortable with them.
Poor Jon's laptop crashed during finals one year. He stayed up all night trying to fix it only to get an hours worth of sleep so he could head out to take his final. I had quit a good paying job because I hated it and had just finished working at the halloween store for the season. We were living in our sad orange apartment-the one we vowed never to have children in because the carpet was at least 40 years old. That morning I got up, saw Jon off to his final, and found out I was pregnant. I'm embarrassed to admit that I picked up Twilight to distract me while I waited for him to get home. I was reading it at the time and needed ANYTHING to take away the anxiety and panic I was feeling. His face was the best when I told him...I think he was mostly trying not to cry from the stress. Did I mention that we did want a child? We did...until it was upon us. The thing that really stands out is that my Mom rarely calls me-especially without a reason. She called that morning and was like "I just started thinking about you suddenly and needed to call you...what's up?"
There's so many more. I think I wanted to reflect because so much of this is knowledge and memories I want to pass on to my children. I hope I can be as good as my parents were, and I hope my children are as blessed as I was to be surrounded by so many good people with words to share. I think too it helps me to realize that any moment can be one of these anchor memories...so it's important to be prepared-or maybe not to be prepared at all. Who knows...
7/13/12
{nursing}: and nursing and nursing...
Paisley put herself on a schedule at about 2-ish weeks old and stuck with it for the most part. At 3 and 6 weeks she went through 2 days of eating every hour or so but would then resume the every 3 hours schedule with a 4 hour stretch at night. She ate at the same times every night and day. I really thought this was normal to fall into some type of schedule!! Stella refuses to!
We put her down at the same time every night and I wake her up at this time to feed her and we have a bedtime routine. And we get up about the same time everyday (Paisley is a reliable alarm). We even have a pretty normal daytime routine..Stella just eats whenever. And I can't turn her down...! And I know I might just need to be patient, but has anyone run into this before? Any suggestions on trying to guide her into a schedule? She's not even regular on what times of day she's awake...sometimes it's all morning, sometimes all afternoon and sometimes for a couple hours in the evening...
The daytime doesn't really bother me to much, it's the night time that I wish was reliable. It was so nice to wake up with Paisley and look at the clock and know that she was just fidgeting to fidget, not because she was hungry. And I think a good part of getting her to sleep through the night is that my body got so used to her schedule that I started to wake up before she would and feed her in her sleep so she never woke up-2 weeks of that and she was sleeping all the way through! I would really like to establish this with Stella..but she has no set increment of time between feedings, between sleepings...anything! I will say she generally likes to sleep at night-she isn't usually awake for long stretches unless she's upset, so that's good, but there just isn't any pattern to her waking to eat...
Anyone? Do I just need to be patient, or is this normal and Paisley is the weirdo?
In other news, I finally did some comparisons:
Paisley
Paisley
7/9/12
{baby}: update & pics
In other news Stella slept for almost a 5 hour block a couple nights ago!! Oh, it was wonderful so I was really excited but unfortunately it was short lived. She's been on the eat-every-2-hours-or-less schedule since she was born and I'm tired. I think she's just been hungry because she's been growing!! She had already gained a pound at her 2 week and grown an inch! It goes too fast, but when you aren't sleeping, not fast enough! lol We can already see her starting to pudge a bit so that's a good sign..I'm hoping she'll put on some weight and be able to sleep longer.
Paisley is doing really pretty well. We had a rough week 2 weeks ago but things are already looking a bit better. I just had to realign the best ways to discipline her and also figure out how to do that while nursing ALL THE TIME. It's not easy, but since I've been staying on top of her she's really improved.
Only one more week until my 6 week check-up!! Jon couldn't be more excited...
6/22/12
{brainwashing}
I'm starting to feel like I've been brainwashed. That may sound funny, but I'm totally serious! I found myself yesterday thinking "awww, I miss being pregnant...I loved rubbing my belly full of baby..." Then I took a second to really try and think about what was going through my mind. I had to fight to remember that the reason I was rubbing that belly is because it was uncomfortable and sore-sure it had a sweet baby inside, but that is not why I was rubbing. It was a fight to try and really remember the discomfort...as if those memories had just been washed out of my brain!! Weird!! The craziest part-I was still pregnant only 3 weeks ago!! I swear I can remember the pain of knee surgery 10 years ago better than the pain of pregnancy!! I will say the labor and delivery part has stuck with me...but the day to day of pregnancy misery is fading faster and faster with each day. It's weird, not gonna lie.
6/14/12
{simple pleasures}: a list
Life's most simple pleasures:
- Having a bladder. Seriously, I haven't had one for the last 3 months and being able to not pee every 30 minutes is wonderful.
- Sleep. And yes, she's getting up to eat every 2 hours, but still those hour and a half naps in between on my back, my sides and even my stomach are the best thing that has ever happened to me. There is nothing like restful, peaceful, no-hurt sleep. Mmmm.
- Sweet newborn noises. Ohhh...I love.
- Sweet newborn smells. I love to just breathe her in. I keep panicking that it's all going too fast already and Jon keeps reassuring me that I need to just enjoy while I can.
- Bending, Lifting and being generally mobile. I missed so much. I do love being able to pick up Paisley and love on her again-it's so much easier without a giant belly!
- FOOD. I can eat!! I want to eat!! I LOVE to eat again!! Oh, it makes me so happy!
- There is nothing like taking a nap with a newborn snuggled on your chest. I just love to savor every moment....
We are enjoying our little Stella. And I couldn't be happier now that I'm not pregnant!!
6/13/12
{catch up}: may
May was an absolutely crazy month for us. We had a lot going on the entire month-starting with friends weddings and showers and ending with my sister's wedding and Stella's birth! We also went on a Pioneer Trek with our ward. I was partially in charge of a couple of the meals for the trek and it was our last opportunity to go camping with just the 3 of us.
I wish I had taken a picture of the food. We had 15 dutch ovens all going at once with chicken, potatoes and cobbler. I'm so glad I stayed at camp while everyone else trekked. I wanted to go, but realized that I could either cook or trek. And I think I chose wisely by cooking-everyone was pretty hungry when they got back.
We actually left early because my biological cousin drove down for the solar eclipse and stayed with us Saturday and Sunday. It was really cool to actually meet someone from my biological side. She's from Georgia going to BYU Provo and had tons of fun stories about her family and my biological one.
6/7/12
{questions}: and answers
Here are the most common questions I have been getting and some answers:
- More details??! Stella was 7 lbs 6 oz when she was born and 19" long. She had jaundice so we had to stay an extra day and keep her under lights, but she was checked this morning and her bili levels are doing much better!
- Will I do it again? Yes. Absolutely. But give me a couple of years. I really have no desire to be pregnant again for a LONG time, but as far as having that next baby naturally goes, I'm in. I think I'll do an entirely separate post about this.
- How is Paisley doing? Soooo good. I was super, super worried about this and she has been awesome. She loves Stella and has been surprisingly patient with me nursing and very loving and helpful towards her. I was worried about leaving her with my Mom and everything and she was super good for her too. Hopefully this lasts and continues!
- How's nursing? Busy. She is really into cluster feeding in the middle of the day and the middle of the night. Like every hour. Our first night home was really rough, but last night was much better. She really, really does not like sleeping on her back, so I may have to break some rules and let her sleep on her tummy. Or maybe her sides. We'll see.
- How am I? So good. I feel great and I just want to get into a routine so that I can feel normal, but at the same time I realize that may take a bit. I'm tired too, but holding up really well. Having my Mom here has really saved the day. She's let me sleep in the mornings and taken care of Paisley. She had to head back today and will be greatly missed!!
- How is Jon? Tired. And a little bit sick with a cold. He seems better today than he was but he crashed after everything went down. He's been working a bit this week since I had my Mom here and will be with me the rest of the week and some of next which will be nice.
Company has been nice-we've had just the right amount this time around, so if you'd like to snuggle a newborn you're more than welcome ;) We really appreciate all of the love and support we've received-we have the best friends and family in the world. And we just love this new little girl. ♥
6/3/12
{baby}: stella jayne
Before I begin this post, I have to thank my very kind Father in heaven. I am still completely in awe at how things all came together, and I'm so grateful.
Christina, my sister got married on Friday, June 1st. I woke up that morning to my mucous plug shedding...hopeful that it would lead to something. I then ran around helping her and everyone else get ready, attending and photographing after the wedding and then attending and photographing the reception. I was not a happy camper-mostly because the uncertainty of when I was going to have this baby, and the amount of pain I was having with contractions that would not regulate.
Saturday, the 2nd was our Gubler Family Reunion. Jon and I were the first ones at the cemetery where we were starting, followed by Katie, my cousin and midwife. After complaining to her of my very frustrating pains and lack of regulation she offered to take me over to her house a couple of streets away and at least check me to see if anything was happening. I was dilated to a 4+ and 70% effaced...progress from my appointment on Thursday. So she stripped my membranes. Like really good.
I kept having contractions, went home for lunch and then laid down for a nap. Finally as I lay down things started to regulate-5 minutes apart. Painful, but not really. I let them keep going for 2-ish hours and then got up to start putting things together. I got in the tub for a bit, cleaned up some things and packed our bags. Every time I was up they would start going faster and harder and every time I laid down and tried to relax they would settle back down to 5 mins or so apart.
When I had Paisley, my water broke at home. I really tried to help that not happen this time but doing everything I could to prevent infections and taking both Vitamin C and E. I really do think that helped keep my amniotic sac intact. Unfortunately, trying to determine when is the best time to go to the hospital was way more difficult without my water being broken. Finally, I just kind of felt like it was time because when I was up and around they were getting pretty intense.
They took me to triage and hooked me up to monitors, flat on my back and told me I had to stay that way for the next hour. The nurse checked me and said that I was still at only a 4+ and 70% effaced, which was a little discouraging considering that's where I had been that morning. Thankfully my contractions were 5 minutes apart at this point because every one was quite miserable not really being able to move. My exercise ball had been my place of choice at home because it did wonders for my hips and lower back rolling around on it through contractions. The nurse came in and explained that if I didn't progress in the next hour it would probably be best for me to head back home...something I DID NOT want to hear. It was hard not to cry.
They kept giving me water, which made me need to pee so i took the opportunity to go into the bathroom and squat through my contractions-hoping to move her down. Every time I got up they would get more and more intense, and when I would lay down they would space out-but were continuing to get more painful. She checked me again in an hour and I was at a 5-ish, so she called Katie, who thankfully was already on her way in. I overhead her explaining that she just thought this was early labor, and I guess tried to tell Katie that I thought I needed to go home!
Hearing Katie's voice was just the beginning of so many reassurances that she offered me that night. The nurse had also explained that even if I wanted to be in the tub they would be getting me out every 20 minutes to monitor me because "we have rules here" So disheartening. Katie then walked in just after that and I told her I needed to get out of the bed, and now. She helped me out of the monitors and asked me why I wanted to go home. Which was confusing, because I did not want to go home. I started walking the halls and only made it one lap before I started begging for the shower. Thankfully, she put me in my room and I got in the shower while they filled the tub. The shower was nice, but the tub was heaven. Ohhhhhhh...heaven. It instantly took away the lower back pain and contraction pain and made everything completely bearable again. She also kicked all the nurses out of my room and left me to labor in the tub-checking in ever once in a while as things started to pick up. Time at this point started to lose all meaning and became merely life between contractions.
I think it was around this point that I started to get loud-ish. Moaning was really helping me through contractions and I remember regretting that I stayed quiet while I was in labor with Paisley...so I did not hold back. I kind of feel bad for the other women laboring around me. I don't know if they could hear me or not, but it was probably a little scary. I'm remembering uttering/moaning the phrase "OOOOooooopen, OOOoooooopen" over and over again. I wanted my cervix to open.
At one point, Katie had me get out of the tub to check me. I was in very active labor and having contractions in bed was rough. Thankfully Jon was there the whole way, pushing on my knees while one of the nurses tried to start an IV. I have a hole in my hand. I really, really tried to stay still but it was hard. I was at a very stretchy 7-she could open me to a 9+ but officially I was at a 7. I was feeling SOO much pressure so she asked if she could pop my water (something I originally didn't want but very rapidly changed my mind about and I'm so glad I did). I ran and hopped back in the tub as soon as I was free. This was when things really, really started to get intense.
I've watched a lot of home birth videos where the women are in inflatable tubs-I was so glad mine was hard and plastic. I had a death grip on the sides, and through this period of transition, tried to climb the walls. The contractions were unreal. I was continually fighting with everything I had not to panic. They kept coming on top of each other. It felt the best to get on all fours, but my knees kept falling asleep so I would try to change position in-between, but it was getting to where there was no in-between. Katie rescued me. So did Jon. Jon jumped in the tub in his swim trunks and started pushing my hips together with all of his might-offering counter pressure to my lower back as well. Katie stayed 3 inches from my face and told me over and over again that I was ok, I was strong, I was a mother, I was having a baby, I could do this, I was doing this-and I repeated all of this after her. I needed to be told that I was ok. Over and over again. At one point I remember thinking that maybe I wanted and epidural and I went to tell her as a contraction was coming but it came out "I want..no, I don't want an epidural" and she agreed with me and then went back to telling me I was ok, with me repeating after her and trying to breath. I remember thinking that it was probably too late to get one, and that getting one would require getting out of the tub, and sitting still-2 things I was not willing to do at this point. I can honestly say what I was doing appealed to me more than that at the time.
I started feeling pushy. I think for some reason I always thought the urge to push would be this very obvious light switch flipping on. It was more of a transition. It started to feel pretty good to push during contractions, but not enough. Finally Katie asked me if I would get out of the tub. She could feel that it was holding me back, and thought I might be ready. I climbed out as quickly as I could in-between contractions and ran to the bed to get on all fours. I'm so glad she had me turn over because as soon as I was squatting at the end of the bed my whole world changed. It felt SO GOOD. Ohhhh, I loved to push into the contractions. She had just enough time to check, tell me I had a bit of a lip, oh and now the lip was gone, and now I was fully dilated and she had just enough time to get her gown on and my Mom in the door and Stella was out! I had one really good push for her head, then they tried to get me to stop for a second and then her body followed and suddenly I had this baby in my arms. The whole thing was beyond surreal. I guess I just thought I would be pushing for awhile so to suddenly be handed a baby really sent me into shock. And then it was over. I had no tearing or damage, the placenta followed nicely, and we have a sweet baby girl!
As I write this I have no idea how I survived. I have never had such an intense experience in all of my life. After I settled down and realized that everything took place in 3 hours (we arrived at the hospital at 7:45 and she was born around 11) it overwhelmed me even more. I am so thankful she is here. And that she came on June 2nd. I wanted her to so that my Mom could be there. And I was so done being pregnant. I can't even believe how amazing Katie was-she kept me in the game...and my sweet sweet husband. He managed to not only stay on my back, but also took over for Katie coaching whenever she was checking me or such, and also took some awesome pictures!! I feel so very blessed.
We're here at the hospital until monday night and love visitors ;)
Christina, my sister got married on Friday, June 1st. I woke up that morning to my mucous plug shedding...hopeful that it would lead to something. I then ran around helping her and everyone else get ready, attending and photographing after the wedding and then attending and photographing the reception. I was not a happy camper-mostly because the uncertainty of when I was going to have this baby, and the amount of pain I was having with contractions that would not regulate.
Saturday, the 2nd was our Gubler Family Reunion. Jon and I were the first ones at the cemetery where we were starting, followed by Katie, my cousin and midwife. After complaining to her of my very frustrating pains and lack of regulation she offered to take me over to her house a couple of streets away and at least check me to see if anything was happening. I was dilated to a 4+ and 70% effaced...progress from my appointment on Thursday. So she stripped my membranes. Like really good.
I kept having contractions, went home for lunch and then laid down for a nap. Finally as I lay down things started to regulate-5 minutes apart. Painful, but not really. I let them keep going for 2-ish hours and then got up to start putting things together. I got in the tub for a bit, cleaned up some things and packed our bags. Every time I was up they would start going faster and harder and every time I laid down and tried to relax they would settle back down to 5 mins or so apart.
When I had Paisley, my water broke at home. I really tried to help that not happen this time but doing everything I could to prevent infections and taking both Vitamin C and E. I really do think that helped keep my amniotic sac intact. Unfortunately, trying to determine when is the best time to go to the hospital was way more difficult without my water being broken. Finally, I just kind of felt like it was time because when I was up and around they were getting pretty intense.
They took me to triage and hooked me up to monitors, flat on my back and told me I had to stay that way for the next hour. The nurse checked me and said that I was still at only a 4+ and 70% effaced, which was a little discouraging considering that's where I had been that morning. Thankfully my contractions were 5 minutes apart at this point because every one was quite miserable not really being able to move. My exercise ball had been my place of choice at home because it did wonders for my hips and lower back rolling around on it through contractions. The nurse came in and explained that if I didn't progress in the next hour it would probably be best for me to head back home...something I DID NOT want to hear. It was hard not to cry.
They kept giving me water, which made me need to pee so i took the opportunity to go into the bathroom and squat through my contractions-hoping to move her down. Every time I got up they would get more and more intense, and when I would lay down they would space out-but were continuing to get more painful. She checked me again in an hour and I was at a 5-ish, so she called Katie, who thankfully was already on her way in. I overhead her explaining that she just thought this was early labor, and I guess tried to tell Katie that I thought I needed to go home!
Hearing Katie's voice was just the beginning of so many reassurances that she offered me that night. The nurse had also explained that even if I wanted to be in the tub they would be getting me out every 20 minutes to monitor me because "we have rules here" So disheartening. Katie then walked in just after that and I told her I needed to get out of the bed, and now. She helped me out of the monitors and asked me why I wanted to go home. Which was confusing, because I did not want to go home. I started walking the halls and only made it one lap before I started begging for the shower. Thankfully, she put me in my room and I got in the shower while they filled the tub. The shower was nice, but the tub was heaven. Ohhhhhhh...heaven. It instantly took away the lower back pain and contraction pain and made everything completely bearable again. She also kicked all the nurses out of my room and left me to labor in the tub-checking in ever once in a while as things started to pick up. Time at this point started to lose all meaning and became merely life between contractions.
I think it was around this point that I started to get loud-ish. Moaning was really helping me through contractions and I remember regretting that I stayed quiet while I was in labor with Paisley...so I did not hold back. I kind of feel bad for the other women laboring around me. I don't know if they could hear me or not, but it was probably a little scary. I'm remembering uttering/moaning the phrase "OOOOooooopen, OOOoooooopen" over and over again. I wanted my cervix to open.
At one point, Katie had me get out of the tub to check me. I was in very active labor and having contractions in bed was rough. Thankfully Jon was there the whole way, pushing on my knees while one of the nurses tried to start an IV. I have a hole in my hand. I really, really tried to stay still but it was hard. I was at a very stretchy 7-she could open me to a 9+ but officially I was at a 7. I was feeling SOO much pressure so she asked if she could pop my water (something I originally didn't want but very rapidly changed my mind about and I'm so glad I did). I ran and hopped back in the tub as soon as I was free. This was when things really, really started to get intense.
I've watched a lot of home birth videos where the women are in inflatable tubs-I was so glad mine was hard and plastic. I had a death grip on the sides, and through this period of transition, tried to climb the walls. The contractions were unreal. I was continually fighting with everything I had not to panic. They kept coming on top of each other. It felt the best to get on all fours, but my knees kept falling asleep so I would try to change position in-between, but it was getting to where there was no in-between. Katie rescued me. So did Jon. Jon jumped in the tub in his swim trunks and started pushing my hips together with all of his might-offering counter pressure to my lower back as well. Katie stayed 3 inches from my face and told me over and over again that I was ok, I was strong, I was a mother, I was having a baby, I could do this, I was doing this-and I repeated all of this after her. I needed to be told that I was ok. Over and over again. At one point I remember thinking that maybe I wanted and epidural and I went to tell her as a contraction was coming but it came out "I want..no, I don't want an epidural" and she agreed with me and then went back to telling me I was ok, with me repeating after her and trying to breath. I remember thinking that it was probably too late to get one, and that getting one would require getting out of the tub, and sitting still-2 things I was not willing to do at this point. I can honestly say what I was doing appealed to me more than that at the time.
I started feeling pushy. I think for some reason I always thought the urge to push would be this very obvious light switch flipping on. It was more of a transition. It started to feel pretty good to push during contractions, but not enough. Finally Katie asked me if I would get out of the tub. She could feel that it was holding me back, and thought I might be ready. I climbed out as quickly as I could in-between contractions and ran to the bed to get on all fours. I'm so glad she had me turn over because as soon as I was squatting at the end of the bed my whole world changed. It felt SO GOOD. Ohhhh, I loved to push into the contractions. She had just enough time to check, tell me I had a bit of a lip, oh and now the lip was gone, and now I was fully dilated and she had just enough time to get her gown on and my Mom in the door and Stella was out! I had one really good push for her head, then they tried to get me to stop for a second and then her body followed and suddenly I had this baby in my arms. The whole thing was beyond surreal. I guess I just thought I would be pushing for awhile so to suddenly be handed a baby really sent me into shock. And then it was over. I had no tearing or damage, the placenta followed nicely, and we have a sweet baby girl!
As I write this I have no idea how I survived. I have never had such an intense experience in all of my life. After I settled down and realized that everything took place in 3 hours (we arrived at the hospital at 7:45 and she was born around 11) it overwhelmed me even more. I am so thankful she is here. And that she came on June 2nd. I wanted her to so that my Mom could be there. And I was so done being pregnant. I can't even believe how amazing Katie was-she kept me in the game...and my sweet sweet husband. He managed to not only stay on my back, but also took over for Katie coaching whenever she was checking me or such, and also took some awesome pictures!! I feel so very blessed.
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