{smells}: like fall

It smells like fall at my house:
  • Pumpkin cookies baking...check!
  • Pumpkin candles...check!
  • Halloween box out...check! (this has its own smell of plastic, leaves and fall)
  • Halloween decorations....up!
As a general rule I wait until the first of October to put up decorations, but this afternoon just seemed like the right time.  I really got my hopes up when the weather changed that it would stay fall and it surely did not.  So yes, I have been putting up decorations with the AC blasting, but I'm really hoping we have lovely summer weather this weekend for our trip to the lake, and then after that COLD!!  PLEASE!!!  I'm so ready for snuggle weather.  Paisley had the best time helping me decorate-she loves the little battery operated tea lights and she is obsessed with candles!!  She must smell them!  She also loved making cookies, and I love that she can help (not that I worry as much as I should about raw egg, but these don't have any egg so there's no worry at all!)  Happy Autumn!!


{♥}: love language

It's about time for some sort of update, yes?  I guess I'm tired of opening up the blog and seeing my 9/11 post...sad.  Anyway, today has been an awesome day.  Elder Dallin H. Oaks came and spoke in person at our stake conference and it was the coolest thing ever.  The very best part?  Our dear and kind friends watched Paisley for us so we could pay attention.  It was amazing.  He was actually very funny and cracked jokes most of the time.  And when he wasn't cracking jokes, he talked about love.  Mostly about the importance of loving everyone-which I love and strive to do.  It was a really awesome meeting.

On the topic of love, I've realized lately that food is one of my love languages.  Everything suddenly clicked for me through a couple of conversations that I've had lately and some pondering after those conversations.  My relationship with food is finally in a healthy state.  It's taken me 14+ years to reach this state, but I think I'm here!!  It began to click when I over-ate a couple of weeks ago.  I haven't over-eaten in a long time and the feeling of being overly full was somewhat strange.  To make a very long story short I used to deprive myself of food often and when I did eat-I would over eat, or eat something that "wasn't allowed" and then I would feel guilty, and then I would swear I wasn't going to eat anything bad ever again.  I would then try whatever crazy diet I could-tuna for every meal, lemonade cleanses, etc and end up sick and miserable-only to eat a bunch of garbage and start the guilt circle over again. 

Up until my pregnancy with Paisley I stayed in this awful circle!  After being pregnant and having her I realized that I needed to take care of my body in order to feed an infant, and I finally committed to change.  Even in my efforts to have a more healthy relationship with food I still struggled with over eating.  In the past year I have finally been able to just eat until I'm full and not need anything more.  This is huge for me.  I also made a commitment to exercise back in January and I'm so happy to say that I have finally been able to stick with that goal.

Now, I would love to post a before and after picture of me and my 50 lb weight-loss, but that hasn't happened.  And the best part is, I'm ok with that.  I'm healthy.  I enjoy food and don't stay up at night worrying about what I'm eating.  I enjoy exercising and look forward to zumba!!!   And this, my friends, is why food is my love language.  I have finally started to love myself-enough to give myself food.  The best part about this healthy body of mine?  It's feeling safe enough to let go of some of the weight-and I'm down 5-10 lbs from January (I flux), something I never thought I would see without crazy dieting and miserable exercise.  I feel better...in so many ways it's really hard to describe.  I love the energy that comes with working out, and the release that working out is!!  I still love sweets (and I always will), but I don't have a desperate need to ban them from my life, nor hoard them-and I can handle just eating one if that's all I have room for!

This may seem very basic to some of you that have never had struggles with food.  I know that some people that I talk to think I'm nuts when I talk about this like it's a huge break through.  For those of you that know what I'm talking about, and understand it too well I hope insights into my journey will help.  I just remember reading stories like this and gaining so much hope from them that someday I could be better too and I'm so happy to say that I'm there! ♥

"Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise."
Alma 37:6


{events}: 9/11

There is so much that goes through my mind in association with this event.  It's funny because I was listening to the radio that morning and the DJ at the time thought the whole thing was some fluke accident.  He was cracking joke after joke about some moron that flew a prop plane into one of the towers...I'm sure he sobered up real fast after all of the news hit.  I remember going to school and the hallways BUZZING and I had no idea what to think of everything.  My first period Chemistry teacher desperately tried to stick with chemistry and none of us could pay attention.  Thankfully my seminary teacher at least let us watch the news...but it wasn't until I got the my 3rd period class that I realized that this was scary.  I was a teacher's aide for my German Teacher, Herr Koepplin, during his planning hour and he was kind enough to let me just sit and watch the news.  I watched the second plane hit and I remember turning to him and asking if we should be scared...if anything was going to happen to us and if my Dad was ok out at the site (a government nuclear laboratory).  I don't think he had anything to say...which scared me more.  Most kids left at lunch.  Those of us that stayed mostly watched the news.  Thankfully they let us into the library and pulled TVs out to the lunch room so we could watch.  It was terrifying.  I went home to my Dad being home (they released everyone from work that day at the site) and we stayed glued to the tv for the next couple of days.
Unfortunately, now I am an adult and I can see why these events took place.  And the fear that exists is much greater, because at this point there really isn't any doubt in my mind that this was an inside job.  I'm not into conspiracies...at all, but after watching the footage again it's pretty obvious that it was a demolition.  Just recently a tower in Dallas was hit by a plane and NOTHING HAPPENED, because towers that size don't collapse when they're hit by planes.  I could go into reason after reason BUT the important thing is that many families suffered loss that day and for that I am sorry.  I also have so much appreciation for the very brave that did everything they could to help in such a horrible disaster.  It doesn't matter how or why, what matters is all those that were so personally affected by such a tradgedy.   I'm so proud to be an American and to live in this great country.  I feel like there may be many scary things taking place at the top, but in the end I love the people that make up this country and the sense of unity we all gained surviving this event together.  May we never forget to care for our neighbor and fellow Americans and to appreciate those that serve our country.


{summer}: family pictures

We finally did family pictures.  I started planning this in the Spring and originally was going to shoot them then but then I was busy...and then life this and life that...and then I realized we we could just wait for the Fair and do them then!  (of course, I still waited until the last minute to make my dress-even with months and months to do it!!)  I actually found Paisley's little dress at DI!!  I think it's authentic-it's yellow gingham with doilies on it and everything!!  Anyway, our friend Chad was kind enough to shoot them for us, I edited and I just loved how they turned out!!  It was SOO hot, but we brought a change of clothes so that we could have some fun at the fair!

This last one is my favorite.  Paisley could not take her eyes off this panda because she was SO confused.  She kept trying to talk to him and he wouldn't talk back and it was very upsetting to her.  We have a couple of stuffed animals that move or play music and she came home and then thought they were real too.  She sat in front of a monkey that we have that dances and plays music and said "hi" over and over again to see if he would talk and then got very upset when he never did.  She may be traumatized....
We went to the demolition derby again this year and it was awesome!!  We had a good time, but did not take any pictures...oh well.