{nostalgia}: anchor memories

Yesterday in church they spoke about the concept of "anchor memories."  I'd never heard it put that way...such an interesting idea.  Anchor memories are the memories that make you who you are-the big events that you remember.  Some of them are all planned-the first time you go to Disneyland, your wedding, the birth of your children and some of them aren't.  I just wanted to blog a few that popped into my mind yesterday as we were meeting...

I was at a Jr. High dance in maybe 8th-ish grade, dancing with my "boyfriend" at the time and we were dancing to a song I loved at the time...I can't remember which one.  I was singing it to him as we danced and I remember he leaned back and told me that I couldn't sing.  I haven't forgotten that, and I still don't sing confidently.  Someday I'd love some voice lessons, but in the meantime I just keep my voice down.

The one that came to mind as the meeting was going yesterday was my car accident at 16.  My Mom got there first with a neighbor-I wasn't worried to see her.  It was my Dad that I was scared to see.  The car was totaled.  I knew he would kill me.  I thought for sure that my collar bone was broken and the van was so crushed around me that they couldn't get me out right away.  He pulled up on his way home from work-I don't even think he had any idea anything had happened (ah, the world before cell phones) I saw him run up to the van and all the panic in his eyes.  All he cared about was if I was ok.  There were no words about the van-he just rushed to see me.  I bawled-initially out of terror for what he was going to say, and then out of relief.  Sometimes I think you forget that your parents really do love you-especially as a teen for me.

The summer I moved home from college I started going to Institute.  I met this kid that I liked, but the Institute semester ended and then we had a break and then moved to the church by the temple in IF.  I was standing in the foyer when that same kid walked in the door and I ran up to hug him.  There was something significant about this..and I don't know why this particular night was SO significant-but that kid was Jon.  As I left later that night he watched me drive away and decided that he was going to marry me (we weren't even dating or anything).  It's just so strange that I remember that evening so well-but it was Jon that made the huge life decision that night!

I remember chewing bubble gum on the steps of our home in Alabama.  I have few memories of there because I was so little when we left-maybe that's why this stands out.  It was then that my Mom taught me to blow bubbles with bubble gum!  She never chews gum anymore, but that day she did.

I had the most incredible German teacher in high school.  He wasn't just a teacher-he really loved us so much even though he probably wouldn't admit it openly.  I was his aide my Senior year and we were writing lesson plans for his German 2 students.  He was complaining that no matter how short the lesson plan, he was never able to get through the entire thing...ever.  He then said something that really stuck with me "Sometimes we do German, and sometimes we do life.  That's teaching."  I've had that thought ring through my head so many times when I'm trying to accomplish something and it's just not happening.  Sometimes, we don't get to get all the way through our lesson plans...

I was driving in the car with one of my college professors coming back from a commercial shoot.  I was talking about my fear of being on my own, of surviving, of whether or not I should get married and if we could ever survive.  I remember saying "If I'm on my own I won't have health insurance!" and he said "So?  Lots of people don't have insurance..."  I had never thought of that before.  (Ah, the naivety of youth!  I was so spoiled) And there were some years we didn't have insurance...

My parents took my bedroom door.  I had to have been 4 or 5.  The door-slamming ended that day.  That one is burned into my memory forever.  It was terrible!!

I dated a cowboy right before Jon.  He was much older than me and a quiet character.  I think it was good for me to date a grown up for a minute.  I remember telling him that I loved him and was so comfortable with him.  He said "I know.  You love everyone...and is there anyone that you're not comfortable with?"  My mom had said this to me before-so of course I never listened to it.  But hearing it from him made me realize that I had to look deeper in a relationship that just loving someone and being comfortable with them.

Poor Jon's laptop crashed during finals one year.  He stayed up all night trying to fix it only to get an hours worth of sleep so he could head out to take his final.  I had quit a good paying job because I hated it and had just finished working at the halloween store for the season.  We were living in our sad orange apartment-the one we vowed never to have children in because the carpet was at least 40 years old.  That morning I got up, saw Jon off to his final, and found out I was pregnant.  I'm embarrassed to admit that I picked up Twilight to distract me while I waited for him to get home.  I was reading it at the time and needed ANYTHING to take away the anxiety and panic I was feeling.  His face was the best when I told him...I think he was mostly trying not to cry from the stress.  Did I mention that we did want a child?  We did...until it was upon us.  The thing that really stands out is that my Mom rarely calls me-especially without a reason.  She called that morning and was like "I just started thinking about you suddenly and needed to call you...what's up?"

There's so many more.  I think I wanted to reflect because so much of this is knowledge and memories I want to pass on to my children.  I hope I can be as good as my parents were, and I hope my children are as blessed as I was to be surrounded by so many good people with words to share.  I think too it helps me to realize that any moment can be one of these anchor memories...so it's important to be prepared-or maybe not to be prepared at all.  Who knows...


{nursing}: and nursing and nursing...

My sweet baby seems to be going through yet another growth spurt.  I think.  She's coming up on 6 weeks. so it makes sense, but it is going to drive me crazy!  She will ALMOST start to get into a schedule and then she'll go through a growth spurt and any thoughts of eating with some regularity seem to go out the window!!  Right before she was 3 weeks she was starting to sleep for 3 hour increments at night...then she went through a growth spurt and went back to eating every hour or so.  This last week she started doing 3 hour gaps again...and then last night went back to every hour or so and has been doing that all day!!  I know you shouldn't really try and schedule a breastfed infant, but I'm going to go crazy!

Paisley put herself on a schedule at about 2-ish weeks old and stuck with it for the most part.  At 3 and 6 weeks she went through 2 days of eating every hour or so but would then resume the every 3 hours schedule with a 4 hour stretch at night.  She ate at the same times every night and day.  I really thought this was normal to fall into some type of schedule!!  Stella refuses to!

We put her down at the same time every night and I wake her up at this time to feed her and we have a bedtime routine.  And we get up about the same time everyday (Paisley is a reliable alarm).  We even have a pretty normal daytime routine..Stella just eats whenever.  And I can't turn her down...!  And I know I might just need to be patient, but has anyone run into this before?  Any suggestions on trying to guide her into a schedule?  She's not even regular on what times of day she's awake...sometimes it's all morning, sometimes all afternoon and sometimes for a couple hours in the evening...

The daytime doesn't really bother me to much, it's the night time that I wish was reliable.  It was so nice to wake up with Paisley and look at the clock and know that she was just fidgeting to fidget, not because she was hungry.  And I think a good part of getting her to sleep through the night is that my body got so used to her schedule that I started to wake up before she would and feed her in her sleep so she never woke up-2 weeks of that and she was sleeping all the way through!  I would really like to establish this with Stella..but she has no set increment of time between feedings, between sleepings...anything!  I will say she generally likes to sleep at night-she isn't usually awake for long stretches unless she's upset, so that's good, but there just isn't any pattern to her waking to eat...

Anyone?  Do I just need to be patient, or is this normal and Paisley is the weirdo?

In other news, I finally did some comparisons:


So basically they are identical and totally different...


{baby}: update & pics

OOOooooo baby.  I finally finished Stella's newborn pics, but I'm going to make you go over to the fotoblog to see all of them.  Yes, I am that lazy.  This one is a favorite.  I wish she was sleeping, but oh well-she wasn't too interested in doing much of what I wanted her to do with pics.  That's how it usually goes photographing your own children!  I love this because these are the reason we named her Stella!  These are Jon's most favorite guitars.  His Mom found his first one in a dumpster with a broken neck and he fixed it up and cut teardrop holes out of the body.  They are 3/4 size guitars and they have a nice folky sound.  I love them too.  Oddly they seem to be multiplying around here...we once had 2 guitars and now we have 8...hmmmm.

In other news Stella slept for almost a 5 hour block a couple nights ago!!  Oh, it was wonderful so I was really excited but unfortunately it was short lived.  She's been on the eat-every-2-hours-or-less schedule since she was born and I'm tired.  I think she's just been hungry because she's been growing!!  She had already gained a pound at her 2 week and grown an inch!  It goes too fast, but when you aren't sleeping, not fast enough! lol  We can already see her starting to pudge a bit so that's a good sign..I'm hoping she'll put on some weight and be able to sleep longer.

Paisley is doing really pretty well.  We had a rough week 2 weeks ago but things are already looking a bit better.  I just had to realign the best ways to discipline her and also figure out how to do that while nursing ALL THE TIME.  It's not easy, but since I've been staying on top of her she's really improved.

Only one more week until my 6 week check-up!!  Jon couldn't be more excited...