{thoughts}: on a tired monday

Today, a list.

  • Is anyone else bugged that you HAVE to use chrome to blog now?  I'm super stubborn about what browser I use and I'm bugged...
  • I hate doing laundry.  I don't mind washing it, but I don't want to fold it and I REALLY don't want to put it away.  ug.
  • It is amazing how my house can be spotless-moped, vaccumed, scrubbed and smell-free one day and completely destroyed top to bottom in a matter of 3 days.  And when I say destroyed, I'm not messing around.
  • My child who was once potty trained, has decided to pee where ever she wants.  awesome.  In her defense, she's getting some molars and has been having a rough go with it, but still...
  • I love the sunshine.  I feel so blessed to live here in StG where it shines all year round.  Nothing lifts my spirits like going to the park and basking it it.
  • I have to pee.  again.  and always.
  • Does anyone have a quick cure for anemia?  It's killing me.  I'm on supplements, and I'm trying to eat more steak but I just want to be cured today.  please?
  • I probably need a nap...this list was a wee bit more grumpy than I'd like to admit I'm feeling...


{on my mind}: labor and delivery

I have had this post putting itself together in the back of my mind for awhile.  You see, I've really immersed myself in all things baby-particularly when it comes to the labor and delivery part.  Pregnancy is hard on me and focusing on the end goal really helps.  And the fact that this baby has started moving and I can feel her!  MMMMmmmm...I love.  It's the best.  Anyway, I've started to string together some philosophies/ideas/and such and I want some suggestions and feedback.

I really want to go drug free this time.  Honestly, it's not even so much about being able to say that I did it, or to prove my womanly-ness or anything like that.  The more I've studied statistics the more it seems that doing things drug free cuts down on recovery time.  It also seems to help prevent further intervention (which I really want to avoid).  I also want to try and deliver standing up or squatting.  This paints such a weird picture to most of us western-cultured women...and I really do still think it's weird.  BUT every birth I've watched standing they don't have to push!!!  Gravity works it's magic and the baby has the opportunity to descend gradually (ideally doing less damage).  This sounds nice.

Now, with Paisley I really had minimal damage.  I walked away with 2 tiny stitches and no real tearing.  I was lucky too because I made it to transition before getting an epidural and only needed that epidural for an hour (so it wore off right after).  I have no complaints.  Things went so well with her and I was so happy with both my nurses and Dr. Benham.  I actually had a lengthy discussion with my mid-wife because I felt so bad leaving my Doc because he did such a good job.  One of the things that sold me on Dr. Benham back when  I was interviewing OBs for Paisley's delivery is that he is compared to a midwife the most of all the doctors in town-he's a very patient man, he doesn't like to induce, he has the lowest c-section rate and he doesn't see a need for women to receive episiotomies or to tear.  He considers delivery a success not just because you produce a healthy baby, but because you have minimal to no damage.  I worried that without him massaging my perineum I would tear with this one but she reassured me that this is highly unlikely-especially if I'm free to be in whatever position I want.   

Ultimately I switched to Katie because she's my cousin and she's awesome.  She was with me as I was delivering Paisley and I loved having her there.  I'm also super excited to have her there continually while I deliver this one.  I had great supportive nurses-but they get switched over at shift changes and you really don't see your Doc much until the fireworks start.  I think having a constant support from when I get there to the end will be a big help.  

Something else that has got me super excited is that our hospital is installing tubs in 2 of their rooms!!  Yay!! With Paisley they wouldn't let me get into the tub because my water broke at home so I spent my time bouncing on a ball in the shower.  The thing that was so hard about this is that I would just get comfortable, find my happy place, relax...and they would come get me to get all dried off and get into bed to be monitored.  I wanted to be monitored BUT having to sit still in a bed is not super fun when you're in labor.  Bouncing on a ball with the nice warm water on your belly IS super fun when you're in labor.  After a couple of cycles of this I got overheated as I was getting out, had the strongest contraction of my life, and started puking at the same time...which led me into a panic ( I hit transition), ultimately into a downward spiral (Oh my gosh I can't do this for 10 hours!!!) and then to an epidural.  OOOooohhhh and that epidural was the best thing that ever happened to me...it really was.

So here's why I'm excited.  They've changed some rules at our hospital so that if I want to get into the tub, water broken or not I can.  Awesome.  Because I have opted to go with a midwife, she isn't as concerned with continual monitoring and can check me WHILE I'M STILL IN THE TUB!!  Yay!!  This, I'm hoping, is my ticket.  Water was my friend and my happy place and I think if left alone in my tub, not having to leave I may be able to make it.  Unfortunately our hospital isn't on board with the waterbirth thing, but I can literally just stand up above the tub and deliver if I want...so that's not too bad.

So basically, I've tried to set up everything as ideally as I can based on what I went through with Paisley.  I know that water helped, I know the length of my labor (which I think will help me a ton this time because it's usually shorter the second time around, right?), and I know I needed and appreciated continual support.  For those of you that have had babies, what helped you?  Even if you ended up with drugs or not, what kept you going up until that point?  What classes did you take?  Was breathing helpful?  What techniques?  Did music help you?  Distraction?  

I don't like hypnobirthing.  They lie too much (labor hurts, it's not in your head)  lol.  I have studied up on the Bradley Method, but I haven't taken a class...has anyone?  Was it beneficial?  I've watched tons of documentaries, online childbirth education classes, and at this point I think I've read every single book our library has on the subject.  I've also started keeping up on a couple of amazing blogs that have really offered some great tips.  Probably the most important thing to me is looking for techniques that recognize the pain (because it's real!) and help you deal and work through the pain.  I think water is going to be a big factor for me, but I feel like it can only take me so far.  Soo, thoughts??


{lyrics}: from the avetts...

I love you but I can’t remember why
Stars fallin’ from high forgotten sky
I was a one-line wonder in my own love song

I keep a little journal by my bed
Dreams help me find the words I haven’t said
Like when a little girlie said goodbye to me

From behind a screen door
I won’t see her again I’m sure
Didn’t I say I need you
I tried to move on but I can’t
I tried to think of bad times
Good memories are all I have

I love you but I can’t remember why
I’d love to find a reason to deny
I was a one-hit wonder in my own hometown

And I guess I might have made a few mistakes
But maybe that’s exactly what it takes
To get a little happy in this big sad world

How many have you made
And which of those have you laid on down to die
Well didn’t I say I need you
I tried to move on but I can’t
I tried to think of bad times
Good memories are all I have

The Avett Brothers


{holidays}: the new year

I'm just going to go ahead and apologize for the constant complaining.  Magically with the new year I've gotten a second wind and I'm feeling like I'm alive again.  There is something wonderful about packing up the Christmas tree and cleaning up all the wrappings, finishing off the goodies and sending family back home to their houses.

Jon was kind enough to help me deep clean the living room and kitchen-something it has needed for a LONG time and I LOVE having a clean house!!  We finally accepted that we have lots of stuff, that we need a room for the baby, and that she's not going to fit in Paisley's room...so we broke down and rented a storage unit.  Jon claims this is a first step to really becoming hoarders...I really don't feel bad because if we had a garage we wouldn't need a storage unit.  Ideally we'll buy a house sometime this year...add that as new years resolution #1...and so this should be a somewhat temporary arrangement. 

In the meantime cleaning out a space to put our new child and realizing I get to update Paisley's room as well has been exciting.  Her crib turns into a toddler bed and that's what she's been sleeping in but I'm thinking the sooner I can get her into her own toddler bed, the better so that she has no reason to blame the baby for stealing her bed.  Thankfully, she's been potty trained for the last couple of months so I'm hoping by the time June comes that will be MORE than routine.    And she continues to amaze me everyday with the new words and phrases that she's picking up!  Her vocabulary is multiplying like crazy and I just can't believe how well she's doing.

Now, if we can just decide on a name for this child.  We were completely surprised it was a girl.  I'm still not sold.  The ultrasound tech said she was 92% sure...so maybe it really is, but I just had such a strong feeling it was a boy!!  I don't know.  We had tons of cool boy names picked out, but we're tossing around a bunch for a girl...we'll see.  I'm getting more and more excited to meet her now that I'm feeling better and better everyday. 

Now for some Resolutions:
  • I always say lose weight...which is a little unrealistic currently considering I should be starting to gain some weight in the near future...so yeah-how about we'll revisit this in June?
  • Exercise:  this I'm really really hoping I can do.  I went to zumba for the first time last week in 3 months and it actually went WAY better than I thought it would.  Hopefully this will continue to be a possibility...we'll see.  I really feel like you have to play it by ear!
  • Read Scriptures:  I've completely lost this habit and I need it back.
  • Buy a house:  I'm hoping if we put it as a resolution it will happen?  I can say I am SO grateful that we've waited as long as we have to make this investment-so much has changed for us and the market and I think this may be the year we've been waiting for!
  • Become more organized:  I really started getting more on top of this last year and I want to continue.
  • Keep the house cleaner:  Sometimes I let things go TOO long and I need to get back on a schedule.  I know it's had a lot to do with the pregnancy and sickness, but still, there's definitely room for improvement.
  • Get back to healthy eating:  This has just been weird.  All I want is crap for food.  I could happily eat cereal, buffalo wings with bleu cheese and macaroni and cheese for every meal.  seriously.  It's disgusting.  It seems the less nutrients, the better.  AND I don't really like chocolate that much...I'm not into cookies, candy-none of the sweet stuff AND I don't like veggies...so obviously there is something wrong with me.  I'm hoping with the nausea subsiding and the energy back I'll want to eat food again...particularly food that offers ANY nutrition...
  • Spend more time taking pictures:  I fell completely off the boat...like there isn't a single picture of Thanksgiving...I took a little bit of video at Christmas-and that's it.  It's bad.  Beyond NEEDING to take them I really want to spend more time taking them for fun-like as a hobby, instead of just as work.
  • Keep a plant alive.  They always die.  Always.  Unless it's bamboo-but seriously, I can do better.  I just need to.
I think that may be it...probably not.  I've got plenty to improve on...I'm just so glad I have some desire to do something-it was getting pretty bleak there for a while.  What are your resolutions?