I'm moving.

I'm consolidating.

I will no longer be here.  But I will still be filling the internet with all of my rants, feelings (soooo many feelings) and pictures elsewhere.

You will soon be able to find me (and really the entire Davis Family) over at adayinapril.com soon.

I'm pulling highlights from this blog, my foto blog and everywhere else to combine into one giant mess of information.

We'll see if I like it.  I have high hopes.

Wish me luck!  We wish you well and love everyone that stops in ♥



the storm.

The calm has ended and the storm rages.

I have a cold and I can't process everything that's going on right now.

A year ago I noticed myself becoming sensitive to dairy.  I had stopped drinking milk for the most part and just hadn't craved ice cream.  Then one day I did and it made me sick.  I figured that I had a bug or something but then I ate it again and I got sick again.  A glass of milk?  sick.  Ice cream?  sick.  Sometimes just upset stomach and sometimes full blown puking and down for the next day.  I had already eliminated most dairy out of my normal diet so it wasn't a big deal.

Six or so months ago I began to notice the same thing when I'd eat lots of pasta or pizza or lasagna especially.  I figured it was the cheese.  Then it started happening more with other things...eventually leading me to realize that it wasn't the only the cheese, but the gluten.  I feel like this one came on more gradually and wasn't as consistent.  So I cut back on gluten (but didn't put a lot of effort into it, no label reading just the obvious stuff) and I started feeling better.  I did not want to truly acknowledge the possibility of a gluten allergy because I don't want to be allergic to gluten.

The more I cut back the better I felt, the less bloated I was and I had more energy.  Then I would eat some (because remember, if I don't acknowledge what I'm really doing than it can't be for reals) and get a little sick, but it was manageable.  I decided finally to stop this game and made an appt with my doctor to be tested for celiac.  Reading up on the testing it's important to still be consuming gluten while you're tested.  I took that to heart and wolfed down donuts, bread, cookies and anything else I could get my hands on (last meal).  The next day I was down and SICK.

Appt with NP (doc is sick), labs drawn, blah blah blah.

I don't have celiac.

But I do have a gluten intolerance.

But it's not celiac and until it is the medical community isn't interested in offering advice or help in the matter.


I went to another clinic.  Had many more labs drawn.  Still not celiac, not pointing to any diagnosable auto-immune disorders (which is probably a good thing) and they have a diet plan that will heal my leaky gut and ideally help me significantly.

But I'll probably still be gluten intolerant in the end.  Oh, and the diet with them costs $4000.  It's not covered by insurance because it's nutritional therapy (of course).

I've had some good friends with some good advice.  I'm heavily looking into the GAPS diet that will heal an existing inflammation and ideally also help me in the long run.

The problem in the short term is what this means for me and any future babies.  Because of the severity of my hyperemesis I was already super scared to get pregnant being intolerant to dairy.  If you remove gluten from my options I'm going to die.  Cow's milk stays down better than water when I'm pregnant. Cereal is the only thing that I survive on for the first 4 months.

I had already removed most dairy from my diet when I got pregnant with Stella and was forced to go back to it because all other alternatives were awful!  I love coco/almond milk but when I'm pregnant it's the worst thing ever.  Carrots and lemons and coconut water stay down but they don't provide any energy like dairy and gluten can.  I'm afraid in my current state I'm looking a hospital stays through my next...so right now I just can't stop crying about this being a *hopefully temporary* end to me having any more babies.

I've done some research.  Hyperemesis throughout the duration of the pregnancy like mine is rare.  Finding a celiac or gluten intolerant person that has hyperemesis is also rare.  The few cases I've read seem to be 50/50.  Some change their diet and their pregnancies are delightful and completely different, some change and nothing changes and they try to die their entire pregnancy.  There's really not a large group to pull stats from.

I'm too foggy to think right now.  I'm meeting with my actual doctor today (I think this cold might be an ear infection) and I'm going to cry a lot and try and get some answers and he's going to put me on antibiotics and offer my an Rx for my Vitamin D deficiency.

In other news Stella has hit that blessed time in her life where she want to make ALL of her own decision NOW and screams at me a lot.  I'm up to my eyeballs in parenting books trying to remember how I'm supposed to discipline a 2 year old in a way that she'll feel independent but not need to draw on my entire house with marker.

And Paisley.  Supposed to go to school in the fall.  Still don't feel good about it.  Not her going, but about the school.  Idk.  That's a whole other post.

My brain!!


my birthday.

I get so wrapped up in life that I forget to blog and then I'm sad later that I have those gaps.  It's really enlightening sometimes going back and reading things I've forgotten about.

I had a really amazing birthday.  I'm constantly overwhelmed by all of the love in my life and just incredibly grateful for all the people that provide it.  I find myself often wondering what in the world I did to deserve so much...I hope I'm passing that love on.

I'm continuing to find myself lost in the worlds of photography and birth.  It's like I have 2 different homes that I love so much.  I just spent a bunch of birthday money on buying a birth library to loan out and re-read, but I'm also saving for another lens I just have to have.  They're both mistresses to my real life anyway, but my career in motherhood is fairly certain at this point while both of those are up in the air always.  

I've recently met a friend that's given me a new breath of fresh air..I don't know what it is about the kid that did it but I've needed a revival back into loving photography for too long now.  We played with lights yesterday, shot underwater a few weeks ago and have plans for upcoming projects and I'm really quite enjoying it.  I have finally picked up my camera for fun again.  I realized it was time for some practice and it's been so good for my soul.

I also spent birthday money on a lampshade, more frames and a Bluth banana stand shirt.  My current lampshade has been hanging on by dental floss for 3+ years now and I am more excited than I should be to have a new one.  And honestly, what photographer doesn't need more empty frames around the house??

I'm enjoying this peaceful time with my girls.  They're mostly easy lately and it feels like the calm before the storm.  Stella is sweet, still cuddly and such a lover.  Paisley alone with me is quite the conversationalist and has so many thought provoking questions about the world.  I hope I'm answering them correctly.  They continue to grow and love running around and sneaking chickens into the house.

Jon and I are coming up on 9 years soon.  I love that man.  I have big plans for an incredibly sappy post about that later.

Life is good right now.


update | a list.

It seems that blogging has become a place to empty my brain, post seasonal pictures or tell random stories.  Today, once again, I empty out my brain:
  • I hate it when people are rude.  Sometimes though, I think maybe it's not a bad thing because it reminds me not to be that way to people. 
  • January 1st brought on an entire head trip of "oh my gosh its next year..." for me.  I have a desperate desire to grow and progress and learn and do and do better and sometimes I let it overwhelm me.  I'm not writing out resolutions right now for good reason.
  • I need someone to talk me into having another baby.  I actually would LOVE to be handed a newborn and told that it was mine and that I didn't have to suffer the 9 months of trying to die to get the critter here.  I don't even mind labor and delivery.  I just can't do the 9 months of the flu.  I am really, really intimidated this time around because all those comfortable foods that I could eat that kept me alive I am now allergic to.  I also had 50 extra pounds on me so losing a bunch while not eating wasn't as big as a deal.  This next one I'm looking at starving to death and hospital stays.  I think that's what hit me in the face the hardest January 1st.
  • My own mortality has been haunting me more than usual.  I know it's because whenever I see death he reminds me that I could be next.  That's a head trip of its own.
  • Every January I just have to remind myself that in a month we'll be outside and the month after that we'll be swimming.  I love St. George.  I often feel spoiled that we get to live here.
  • I think I'm developing a gluten intolerance...I really REALLY hope not.  Lots of things have been upsetting my tummy lately but I'm hoping it's just a phase or I need some probiotics or something.
  • My babies are big.  Stella is teething and Paisley is incredibly smart.  Stella is adding more and more words to her vocabulary:  baby, daddy, mama, doggie, nuggs (her blanket), paisley, tink (drink) and a host of other noises that have meanings behind them.  I love being able to better communicate with her.  Paisley asks every time we drive by when she gets to go to school.  I can't believe it will be this fall.  I'm so excited for her.
  • The wedding showcase is coming up.  My brain is going to explode.  I hope it's awesome.
I think that sums it up...who knows.  Happy January.


debriefing | the story

For those that are curious, and for the sake of journaling, here is the entire story:

Thursday afternoon I was coming home on I-15 south and ahead of me traffic began to slow down and was swerving around something in the road.  I saw 2 women running towards it and assumed that something had fallen off the back of a truck.  As I got closer I realized it was a man laying in the very middle of the freeway.  I immediately flipped on my hazards and pulled into the median-struggling to get my seatbelt off and door open fast enough.

He was laying on his back with his head to his side.  A man was on the phone with 911 and someone else was trying to redirect traffic around him.  Two women stood over him, panicked and unsure of what to do.  I tried to wake him up and searched for a pulse.  He had one, but it was erratic and irregular.  I remember verbalizing that I really shouldn't move his head, but he needed an airway and that was more important (and I proceeded as gently as possible).  As I turned his head he had a compound fracture on his jawline and a large laceration to match (meaning air was escaping out of the hole...bad news).  His eyes were wide...and had no life.

I lifted up his shirt (I had left my small kit in the car and wasn't about to run back for it or I would have just cut all of his dang layers off!!) to see if he had any more damage, located his sternum and began chest compressions.  He had maybe 5 layers of clothes on and was dirty and smoky.  I did my first round and then readjusted his airway-air was moving in and out and based on the amount of bleeding he had I wasn't about to do mouth-to-mouth (You just shouldn't when you don't know and they're bleeding that much!!).  I continued chest compressions and was joined about 2 minutes in by another man who began mouth to mouth.  We continued on like that for a few minutes before a highway patrolman showed up with an AED and bag-valve mask (so he could bag him instead of continuing mouth-to-mouth).

He didn't have a shockable rhythm but was maintaining a pulse on his own-still erratic and not good enough to stop CPR.  Ambulance arrived a little after that and took over.

The driver of the car that hit him was a mess.  He stood over my shoulder a good portion of the time explaining that he tried so hard not to hit him, he kept running in front of the car and just couldn't swerve far enough away.  He was in shock and very, very shook up.  I am so grateful not to have been the person that hit him.  It was so devastating for them.

I talked to they guys that packed him up and highway patrol for a minute-they were not hopeful.  I really wasn't either.  The reality of CPR is that if you're performing it, it's because the person is dead.  He got hit in the head by a car going 70 mph too-and that's not good.

I'm not going to lie-I absolutely wanted to believe that I was there at that time for a reason, and he was going to miraculously going to recover, have a come to Jesus and get better and be so grateful for a second chance at life.

I think anyone wants to believe that story.

The unfortunate truth also is that I couldn't imagine trying to commit suicide and waking up to that big of a hospital bill and bump on your head-and anticipating him being mad at anyone that helped keep him alive.

My sadness now stems more for what was so awful in his life that he wanted to do that?  Where is his family?  Is his mother alive?  Will she miss him?

I called Jon on my way home and his phone was dying so I walked in the door to my empty house and no one to really debrief with.  And the craziest thing in the world had just happened to me-minutes before that I was kneeling on one of the midlines of the freeway performing CPR on a real person.  So of course I posted it on fb.

Not only was this super crazy but also I am a huge advocate of EVERYONE having CPR training and being fully trained to run in to a situation like this and help.  If you're not, do it.  I walked away ok because I knew what to do and did what I was trained to do.  I get shook up in situations where I feel powerless and out of control and because I had the training I did-this was the opposite.

Get CPR certified.

You might get to save someone.  If me being involved in this was not to save his life it was for me and my loud mouth to tell everyone I know to get some training and save some people.

Get some training.  Save some people.

And don't walk into traffic on the freeway.

*I have to add too-thank you so much everyone for your love, your concern and your support.  I love you all so much.