But about the pudding. I miss chocolate. Not just for the sugar, I just love chocolate. I've always liked my chocolate very, very dark like 80-90% cacao, but I don't dare risk any sugar. A good portion of the fake sugars and sugar alcohol products feed yeast just as much as sugar (ie Splenda, Asparatame, etc.) because they are derived from sugar, so I have to avoid those, and really I don't want any of the stuff anyway cause they have other health side effects. I read up on stevia so I decided to give it a try. The greek yogurt I've been eating for breakfast has the most wonderfully creamy texture like a rich mousse-my first thought when I tried it was that it would make delicious pudding. So today I dumped a bunch of cocoa powder in a bowl with the greek yogurt and added a couple of packets of truvia. In my mind, it is delicious-Jon thinks that the lack of sugar in my diet may be screwing up my perception of taste because he thinks it is disgusting. It's very cocoa tasting, which I actually really like.
The other thing that is hard is I can't have any vinegars. At first glance that is no big deal, but no vinegar wipes out salad dressing, mayonaise, bbq sauce, a lot of mustards, etc. So no salad dressing on my salad. I've found that if I put avocado on my salads and mush it in and eat it all with my hands it's really good. I was never a huge salad dressing person anyway, but not being able to have it at all has been weird.
Overall, I feel much better and since last Saturday, I have lost 5 pounds! That's not what this is about, but I'm sure not complaining about that side effect! Hopefully this will be just the shift I need in life to help me to be healthy and get me through my insatiable need for sweets. I know back in High School when I wasn't eating a whole lot of anything I didn't crave sweets hardly at all because I didn't eat them hardly at all-and that was driven by pride an vanity. Hopefully now that I have good reasons I can get back on the right track and not feel like I'm depriving myself so much when I'm around them. It will be for health reasons, which is ultimately so much more important!
Speaking of High School, and this is just embarassing, that last episode of Glee this week made me cry a little. I don't know if it's because of what she said about your relationship with food changing so much when your pregnant or just the song she sang, but I was bawling....I'm such a baby now which I continue to blame on the breastfeeding hormones, but if you didn't see the episode, it struck home. (sniff). Awww food, someday we will figure out our complicated relationship...
I am a sugar addict. I used to use that term jokingly until I found myself needing sugar to get by. Literally. Not just "ooo, a treat might be nice" but honestly needing it to get through the day. Because I spend my days on my feet trying to be a shiny happy person to everyone, sugar has become a staple in my diet. Cookies, cupcakes, cinnamon bears, soda and such has gone from a once in a while treat to a daily need to get by. And that isn't all. With further investigation of the frozen meals I was eating daily, the pre-packaged dinners I cooked once in awhile, my breakfast cereal-EVERYTHING was loaded with sugar. I've paid close attention to calories, fat, and even fiber, but never really my sugar intake. It was both shocking and alarming to see how bad everything really is.
Sugar feeds yeast. Literally feeds yeast. Like, the infection I have spreading all over my body is fed by sugar. So much that it causes your body to crave and need sugar. EW!!! All of the symptoms of candida make so much sense, and my insatiable need for sweets suddenly started to make sense! I am feeding an infection that is spreading through my body!!! GROSS!!!
So yesterday I spent the day at Costco, reading ingredient label after ingredient label trying to figure out what I can and cannot eat. All of the "candida cleansing" diets I read are largely meat and veggie based, no grains (carbs=sugar), no fruit, no beans, etc. Given the word of wisdom, a meat based diet is not for me, so I am incorporating grains, but only whole grains. I am giving up sugar for 21 days. This is my own decision-I figure it takes 21 days to change a habit and if I know that it's only for 21 days I think I can stick to it. After that I am hoping that my infection will be gone, and I can begin incorporating some sweets back into my diet.
Yesterday was really hard. Giving up sugar has been compared to giving up any drug. I am currently going through withdrawl-headaches, bodyaches and severe cravings. It's been weird so far and I'm only one day in. This morning I woke up shaking and with a pounding, pounding headache. Food helped, it's just bizarre to think how much I have come to rely on sugar as my get-up-and-go.
One thing I can say, giving up sweets to fight off an infection is far more important to me than any diet. Every time I tried to diet and give all this stuff up, I failed. I see more now why. My health and not having a vicious infection spread through my body is way more important than any diet has ever been. I have a feeling I'm going to need to blog about this a lot because it's been really hard so far, and that was just yesterday. It's embarassing to be so addicted to something and not even realize it until my body started to fall apart...
I put olive oil, green onions and garlic in a pot on med until fragrant. I cut up the roast and veggies into chunks and threw then in the pot. I added a cup or so of lentils and around 4 cups of water. I then spooned in some remaining juices from the roast since I didn't have any bullion. I added a ton of black pepper, garlic salt and salt and a couple of pats of butter. I took my smoothie mixer thing and blended it all together in the pot, leaving a couple of chunks here and there. I neglected to take a picture because it looks a bit like throw up at this point. I left it to boil to cook the lentils and then I put some in a bowl and ripped up big chunks of hearty wheat bread to mop it up with. It is yum. I can't recommend it by the look of it, but the taste is delicious! AND not bland!
Just thought I would share.
I have held this in for a long time. I have hesitated over and over again to even vent about this but it irritates me over an over again. I've begun to realize over the years that this is one of those "to each his own" types of things in life. It's not my responsibility, but I struggle to bite my tongue.
Family Planning. It's really a joke, and I realize that. Its rough. I watch people that desperately want to have children wait and try and wait and try and really struggle. That breaks my heart. Then there are those that stand by the "if Heavenly Father wants us to get pregnant, we will." What does that say to those that can't? Heavenly Father gave us free agency. We CHOOSE to have sex, we CHOOSE not to use anything to prevent pregnancy, and so thus, we CHOOSE to have babies. I mean really-do you think Heavenly Father wants to send babies to 14 year olds every day? It happens. I actually heard a friend of mine as she was looking at her screaming baby say "I don't know why Heavenly Father wanted us to have this baby-we can't afford it, and its really hard but we got pregnant so he must have." Science? Free Agency? God does not make your life decisions for you! I take my ability to procreate very VERY seriously. This is kind of a big deal. Jon and I have wanted to have kids for a couple years before Paisley, but we also wanted to have a way to take care of those kids. We also made the decision to use birth control between children so that we would not have 12...I don't think we could feed 12. Being a member of the LDS church they do teach that we shouldn't put off having children, but in the same breath they also say it's our decision:
When married couples are physically able, they have the privilege of providing mortal bodies for Heavenly Father’s spirit children. They play a part in the great plan of happiness, which permits God’s children to receive physical bodies and experience mortality. If you are married, you and your spouse should discuss your sacred responsibility to bring children into the world and nurture them in righteousness. As you do so, consider the sanctity and meaning of life. Ponder the joy that comes when children are in the home. Consider the eternal blessings that come from having a good posterity. With a testimony of these principles, you and your spouse will be prepared to prayerfully decide how many children to have and when to have them. Such decisions are between the two of you and the Lord.
As you discuss this sacred matter, remember that sexual relations within marriage are divinely approved. While one purpose of these relations is to provide physical bodies for God’s children,another purpose is to express love for one another—to bind husband and wife together in loyalty, fidelity, consideration, and common purpose.
taken from True to the Faith-a Gospel Reference, under the heading Birth Control
Our purpose in this life is to learn how to make the right decisions at the right time, we can't do that if God is making our decisions. I can't condemn anyone for their decision-I haven't received revelation for them. I just wish I could look around and say that everyone is honestly thinking about what they are doing. This is a commitment greater than any other. Children are so precious and special and they are yours. forever. Even the bonds of marriage can be broken, but you will ALWAYS be tied to that child. I just needed to get this off my chest. I promise I am not looking to offend. I can also look around at the many of our friends that took that leap of faith before we did and have been so blessed with such sweet babies before us. Thank you for being such a good example to us of what parenthood can be, and that it isn't so, so scary even though it's a huge responsiblility.
- Oh no! I have a rash *waaa* I can't go on...(because of my recent arm rash)
- Oh no...I have *Achoo* allergies...this is too hard *Achoo*
- What?!? No chocolate...I have no reason to live...
- And no cookies? *Achoo* I think my rash just got worse...
- Ooooo...there's a bump on my foot...I'm going to die...*whine*
- *Achoo* This is too heavy...will you carry it?