{dreams}: somewhere only we know

It is not often that my dreams come with a soundtrack. In fact, this is the first dream I can remember music so vividly. I don't often get soo so personal in our blog, but I heard this song and couldn't help but share this. I'm starting to look to this blog as a sort of journal, and I haven't written this down-even though I don't think I'll ever forget it.

It was 3-ish years ago when I had the dream. I was at a wedding. The mother of the bride was yelling at me to help her with dishes and all sorts of other things. It was at a large victorian style house on a beach somewhere and the reception was being held in the yard. I didn't like the brides mother, in fact her yelling at me bothered me deeply. Caught up in the hustle and bustle of the kitchen and people everywhere, I realized I didn't know who the bride and groom were...so I went outside. They were standing facing away from me, but I recognized the groom. It was Jon. Next to him was a short, skinny, long-haired brunette in a huge vintage style wedding dress. In shock I ran back into the house to confirm who the groom truly was. It was Jon. My husband Jon. And in the dream, my ex-husband Jon. He had left me-I had finally yelled and screamed too much and that had been it. My dream was filled with memories of fights, arguments-both real and dreamed. It was crushing. I went to the living room, sobbing and frantic, just as her mother once again came to yell at me to get some linens. She also told me the bride and groom were about to leave. That is when the song began. I ran outside to find them. As I got there, they turned to run down the beach and Jon looked over his shoulder and mouthed the words "I'm sorry...I love you." And they were gone. Disappearing down the beach in their bare-feet her veil and dress trailing behind them. I never saw the brides face. I just knew she was the kind and patient girl I was not at the time.

And I was not a patient wife at the time. I suffered of an anger that could have easily consumed me and our marriage. Thankfully we're at a much better place and the time of my yelling and screaming has past. Every time I hear the song "Somewhere only we know" by Kean I am reminded of this dream and I quickly see my husband and this other girl running away from me on the beach. It is terrifying and causes me to tear up just talking about it. I woke up that morning bawling-there are very few things in my life that have so violently grabbed and shaken me.