{rant}: family planning

This may WILDLY offend some of you. Turn away if you begin to be offended. I just need to get it out.

I have held this in for a long time. I have hesitated over and over again to even vent about this but it irritates me over an over again. I've begun to realize over the years that this is one of those "to each his own" types of things in life. It's not my responsibility, but I struggle to bite my tongue.

Family Planning. It's really a joke, and I realize that. Its rough. I watch people that desperately want to have children wait and try and wait and try and really struggle. That breaks my heart. Then there are those that stand by the "if Heavenly Father wants us to get pregnant, we will." What does that say to those that can't? Heavenly Father gave us free agency. We CHOOSE to have sex, we CHOOSE not to use anything to prevent pregnancy, and so thus, we CHOOSE to have babies. I mean really-do you think Heavenly Father wants to send babies to 14 year olds every day? It happens. I actually heard a friend of mine as she was looking at her screaming baby say "I don't know why Heavenly Father wanted us to have this baby-we can't afford it, and its really hard but we got pregnant so he must have." Science? Free Agency? God does not make your life decisions for you! I take my ability to procreate very VERY seriously. This is kind of a big deal. Jon and I have wanted to have kids for a couple years before Paisley, but we also wanted to have a way to take care of those kids. We also made the decision to use birth control between children so that we would not have 12...I don't think we could feed 12. Being a member of the LDS church they do teach that we shouldn't put off having children, but in the same breath they also say it's our decision:

When married couples are physically able, they have the privilege of providing mortal bodies for Heavenly Father’s spirit children. They play a part in the great plan of happiness, which permits God’s children to receive physical bodies and experience mortality. If you are married, you and your spouse should discuss your sacred responsibility to bring children into the world and nurture them in righteousness. As you do so, consider the sanctity and meaning of life. Ponder the joy that comes when children are in the home. Consider the eternal blessings that come from having a good posterity. With a testimony of these principles, you and your spouse will be prepared to prayerfully decide how many children to have and when to have them. Such decisions are between the two of you and the Lord.
As you discuss this sacred matter, remember that sexual relations within marriage are divinely approved. While one purpose of these relations is to provide physical bodies for God’s children,another purpose is to express love for one another—to bind husband and wife together in loyalty, fidelity, consideration, and common purpose.

taken from True to the Faith-a Gospel Reference, under the heading Birth Control

Our purpose in this life is to learn how to make the right decisions at the right time, we can't do that if God is making our decisions. I can't condemn anyone for their decision-I haven't received revelation for them. I just wish I could look around and say that everyone is honestly thinking about what they are doing. This is a commitment greater than any other. Children are so precious and special and they are yours. forever. Even the bonds of marriage can be broken, but you will ALWAYS be tied to that child. I just needed to get this off my chest. I promise I am not looking to offend. I can also look around at the many of our friends that took that leap of faith before we did and have been so blessed with such sweet babies before us. Thank you for being such a good example to us of what parenthood can be, and that it isn't so, so scary even though it's a huge responsiblility.


  1. You are correct, having children is between you, your spouce, and the Lord. Our faith is a big part of that decision. I believe the Lord wants us to have joy in this life. Much of that joy comes from having children - not always, but for most. One does not realize this until they can experience that for themselves. Surely, the Lord does not want to send his children to a unprepared home - but some people force it to happen. Maybe when you are thinking about it, discuss with spouse and always include the Lord. Then, if the feeling is positive, jump in and the Lord will help you find a way. I know by experience. Agency is absolutely not free. Just free to choose your consequences.

  2. Major Clark...which Clark are you?

  3. I very much agree! I also think that if you have made the decision to have children than you should try to enjoy being a mother or father. I know someone who wanted children and now that they have them all I hear from them is complaints and how they think people who openly express to others their love for their children makes them gag. I just don't understand how someone could plan and want a child and then when they find out that it's hard they openly express their lothing for having made the decision for having children. Having children is definitely a choice and like any choice we make, we must deal with the ups and downs of that choice.


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