{vulnerability}: rejection

I'm feeling vulnerable. I applied to do something that I thought would be a breeze and they turned me down. It hurts. I can try again and reapply...but it has really shaken me. And maybe it's good for me to take it back down to essentials and try again but it's really left me feeling vulnerable and incapable. I have to fight hard not to feel this way all the time and it's like if someone can actually penetrate my mental fortress it throws me through a loop. I think I've always felt like I'm only pretty good at a lot of things...but not exceptionally good at anything. I never win first prize. I place-which I'm not ungrateful for, but I never win. And I only compete in the first place if I think I'll do well... Then I over-analyze myself-did I give up there at the end? Could I have done better? Of course I could have done better!!!-you can ALWAYS do better. Certain kinds of rejection are hard on me...and this hit home.

I need another cookie...