11/18/09

{adulthood}: sux

I think I'm done being an adult. It was fun. I quit. I don't want to pay bills anymore, I don't want to work any more...I would just like to be told that I did a good job because I colored in the lines and now it's naptime. I don't want things to change. I'm tired of progressing. I miss the comfort of riding in the back seat of the car, where nothing can happen to you. Where you are safe because you're parents are driving. I miss school and knowing that tommorrow is school, and the next day is school, and then summer comes and goes and you just go back to school. One day, that cycle ended and that's when this adulthood trouble started. Suddenly people are asking questions like "what are you going to do with your life?" and you find yourself asking "how am I going to pay all my bills?" It's such a hard call too because I wouldn't trade Jon or Paisley for anything, even to go back to that, but it's just hard. Life is just hard. We don't get to always do what we want, we have to do what we need. Now I am driving the car. Now a little girl feels safe in my arms. The only thing keeping us going is looking around and saying "everyone else survived this...right?"

5 comments:

  1. I agree. Go listen to Ben Folds Five, still fighting it. it's my new theme song too. I love you!

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  2. Everything will be okay!!! People do live through this. It's harder than you think but the rewards are so much better that you forget about how hard everything was. That's how we make it!

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  3. we were in the same married ward for awhile...i read your blog because i think you are hilarious...im not a mom, so im not aware of the stress that you are going through but i think the fact that you feel that way and you still have no regrets makes you a wonderful wife and mommy...hope all is well...ur baby is gorgeous btw...and like i said i love reading ur blog... i only wish that i wasn't so shy while we were in st. george so i could of gotten to know you better...

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  4. Those feelings are so hard. It's normal and right to feel them. It's freaking scary to be in charge of the car careening down the highway.

    But remember that it's all a choice. You chose to set out on your own instead of living in your parents house until you're 35. You chose to marry Jon, and to have a baby. You are still in control of your choices, and I know that you can still find the joy in those decisions. Even the crappy ones. Keep on keeping on my dear, I hope you're feeling better.

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  5. Yeah it is hard. Remember to always stay thankful for them cause sometimes you lose the biggest reason you kept fighting the good fight and life gets a whole lot messier. :S Love you and your beautiful fam!

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