{ }:sad

I am sad. I think for me perpetual happiness comes with a cost. When I am sad, I get really, really sad. For days I lay in a rut, depressed and low. I consume too much chocolate. And I obsessively clean things, particularly bathrooms. I can sit and stare at a wall for hours. Or the ceiling. Or anything. Everything makes me cry. Glee, commercials, songs...everything. I can't sleep and when I do my dreams are so chaotic I wake up sore and exhausted. For the past 8 days now I have dreamt of someone I haven't spoken to in years. He has completely fallen off the map to me and I can't figure out why I'm dreaming about him. I don't remember the dream either-just chaos and that he was there. I asked Jon the other night "Do you think maybe he died and he's haunting me?" He was like: "Why would he haunt you?" Good point. I don't know. Why am I dreaming about him? Why am I in such a weird funk? Why am I so sad?

Reason's for me to be sad:

Reasons for me to be happy:

• Paisley. Mmmmm...I just love to breathe her in. She snuggled me the last two nights before she went to bed and it was wonderful. I can't fully be in a rut with her.
• Jon. I love him. He came to visit me at work yesterday as a surprise. I think he's starting to worry about me.
• Sunshine. I love the blistering heat. I call it the "blow-dryer" effect when you walk outside.
• Home. I love my bathtub and soft warm bed.

I think today will be a better day. I'm already feeling a little better...