{spoiled}

I have been wanting to blog for so long because there is so much to write about, but it just hasn't happened. I'm feeling very spoiled and very ungrateful at the moment, and I'm really struggling with it. Spring is always hard on me-I always love it, St. Patricks Day, all the birthdays, and Easter, but the barometric pressure changes due to roaming thunderstorms kill my joints (yes, I'm an old lady who did too much ballet for her own good), and the allergies come in with full force. Which means for me a sore grump with a non stop sinus headache and post nasal drip. This is also typically when I suffer my burn out for the year, and unfortunately this year is no different. Christmas is never a relaxing time for us, particularly when I'm working in retail so instead of going into the new year well rested, or really rested at all it feels like we just got done running a marathon just to begin a new one. And poor Jon...oh I ache for him! School is going to end his life! He is desperately trying to survive these last 3 classes...he told me he doesn't want a birthday party this year-but he wants to save and have a HUGE and crazy Graduation party. I agreed wholeheartedly. So I am out working my 40 a week trying to hang out with Paisley as much as I can, he is in working his 20-40, school, and taking care of Paisley most of the time and we are barely surviving. I feel like I've been in survival mode since I went back to work. I just want to cook, clean, repair, hang out with my child and be a housewife! I shouldn't feel so picked on that I just have to work right now in order for us to survive, but leaving her lately has been so hard. And she keeps growing. She's going to crawl and I'm going to be at work, and she's going to walk and I'm going to be at work, and it makes me cry. a lot. And I know, how spoiled are we that Jon gets to be the one home with her, and I love my job. If I could choose anything that took me away from my baby, at least it's something I love as much as Bath & Body Works. But its just hard. I don't know if all you housewives out there know how blessed you are. We've tried to survive off of what Jon makes, and we just can't. Hopefully someday soon we can. I don't mind being poor, but I do mind living off the government, and currently that is what we would have to do. I hate being judged because I'm working and on top of it working Sundays, but at the same time I can't feel good about staying home and living off everyone else. All of this has been rattling around in the back of my mind, which doesn't help the sinus headache. Sorry I'm a downer. I need to get past this point and things will be better. I just can't wait til jons done with school...oh what a beautiful day that will be.