{children}: ahhhh paisley

Absolutely, positively NO ONE is allowed to talk to me about anything remotely concerning or important right before bed again.  Sleeping is hard enough as is and if I have ANYTHING on my mind it's not happening.  GRrrrrrr.

Anyway, a funny story:

Yesterday we were having lunch and Paisley asked if she could have a cookie.  This surprised Jon because he thought that covering the pan of cookies with a dishcloth and leaving them on the stove would be sufficient in hiding them from our toddler.  He was wrong, and answered with "What cookies?"  She then pointed to them from her chair at the table.  She was nearly finished with what she was eating, so we told her to take 2 more bites from each item on her plate and then she could have a cookie.  "I hold cookie?" was her response.  "Nope, take 2 more bites."  "I see cookie?" "Nope, just 2 more bites and then you can have it."  "You put cookie on table?"  At this point we were rolling because we have quite the negotiator.  I finally got up and put the cookie on a napkin in front of her.  Needless to say, she enthusiastically finished her 2 bites.

I'm worrying about the transition from only child to sibling is going to be hard on her.  She loves being the center of attention, and unfortunately is able to be because there is just the one of her.  I see the possibility of a fierce regression ahead of us when this baby is born and it worries me.  

I've been trying to talk more and more about the fact that a baby is coming.  She seems to have a general understanding-especially since the baby's room is all put together, but I don't know how much she can really grasp at this age.  She's funny too because out of the blue she'll come up and lift up my shirt and hug and kiss my belly and tell the baby hi.  Other days she hits my belly for no reason.  She is so sweet to babies and LOVES on them as long as I'm not holding them.  As soon as I pick up a baby she gets FURIOUS and demands to be held.  This is probably my biggest concern.  

To those moms out there that have gone from 1 to 2, what suggestions do you have to make the transition easier?  I've heard giving your older one a specific job or 2 helps (binkie duty, etc), and I'm thinking about getting her a toy carseat and toy pack-n-play for her doll so she can put her baby down and carry her baby around too.  I'm trying to talk about it as much as possible to somehow prepare her but I really don't know what's going to work best...suggestions?

{dreams}: in a funk

I'm in a weird place this morning.  It's been a long time since I had a nightmare... especially such a terrifying one.  It has left me in a weepy funk that I'm having a hard time shaking.  The dream:

Jon and I had gone up to a cabin to escape St. George with our friends Chad and Sarah.  It was in the forest up above the ocean (so I'm guessing Northern Cali?).  We were very suspicious of some of the things going on and went to a meeting in a classroom where they were discussing the state of things.  I opted to hide out with a group in a truck and Jon, Chad and Sarah went into the meeting.  I could see and hear what was going on inside the meeting, but was sitting in the drivers seat of a hummer/truck type vehicle.  They were talking about a specific group having complete control of all broadcasting by Christmas and control of all the oil companies as well.  As soon as that news broke, gunfire opened up in the room.

Chad and Sarah were both killed.  I saw Jon go down but was busy putting a gun together in my hands.  The girl sitting next to me that was supposed to be my cover was shot in the head.  I finished assembling the gun I had in my hands and was able to shoot the leader of whoever was in charge.  That ended it.  I saw Jon get up, but he had to go with the group of survivors for questioning.  I ran into the woods back to the cabin to find the door wide open and the cabin looted.  All the lights were on and the front door ajar.  The TV was broken on it's side and channels were coming on and off.  I watched the news long enough to see that they were dumping all of the bodies into the ocean as many were being killed in all of the big cities.  I closed up the cabin and started turning off lights so that no one would be able to see me inside.  I got ready for bed and decided to go outside to check out the woods around the house.  I didn't have my contacts in so everything was blurry.  In the distance I could see a few people making their way through the woods.  I finally recognized Jon.

I ran to him and grabbed his face and was so glad he was ok.  I couldn't believe he was ok.  Up until this point, it seems like I had forgotten about Paisley, but holding onto him I remembered and asked if she was still safe.  He told me they were putting her back together.  I asked what that meant and he explained that she had accidentally been shot, and that we were luckily going to be able to bury her.  My heart broke.  I started sobbing and that's when I woke up, sobbing.

I don't watch action movies.  I don't read action books.  I don't play video games.  I don't even watch a lot of the news.  Where in the world did my imagination come up with this stuff?  I had to get up and turn on all the lights in my house and sit there and soak up reality for a long time to snap out of it.  I'm still not completely out of it.  It was TOO real.  I remember vivid details of everything...and the feelings were so real.  So now I'm going on 2 nights of terrible sleep and the raccoon eyes are just getting prettier and prettier...

So I had a good friend suggest looking into a dream interpretation of what happened and oddly it made me feel a lot better.  Some of the highlights:

• To dream that you are loading a gun forewarns that you should be careful in not letting your temper get out of control.  (I've actually been struggling a lot with my temper lately)
• To dream that you shoot someone with a gun denotes your aggressive feeling and hidden anger toward that particular person. You may be trying to blame them for something.  (I honestly didn't know the person I was shooting...sooo)
• If you dream about the death of a child, then it implies that you need to let go of your immaturity and start being more serious. (And I feel super immature about the fact that I have been struggling with my temper)
• To see someone dying in your dream signifies that your feelings for that person are dead or that a significant change/loss is occurring in your relationship with that person. Alternatively, you may want to repress that aspect of yourself that is represented by the dying person. (Oddly, the person I saw shot in the head does symbolize a lot of things I would like to repress in myself...super weird)
• To dream of a war signifies disorder and chaos in your waking life. You are experiencing some internal conflict or emotional struggle which is tearing you up inside. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you are either being overly aggressive or that you are not being assertive enough.  (Once again, I have been struggling with my temper/aggression and I do feel like there is some chaos just because of not knowing when the baby is coming and if everything will go well, and will it be on my sister's wedding day, etc.)

I can actually say reading all of this made me feel so much better because before I just couldn't believe my mind would randomly come up with so much terrible stuff out of the blue.  At least this makes me feel like I make more sense?

{craziness}: oh, nesting

Nesting is a very real phenomenon for me.  I get it really bad.  Last pregnancy they loved me at my jobs because I nested there more than I did at home.  I scrubbed and organized and generally wore myself out.  This time around it's been wonderful to be at home and nest here...but at the same time I've been a little crazy.  You see, my head pops off my pillow at 7 AM no longer able to sleep because I am now obsessing about X Y or Z and I cannot sleep until whatever that is has a plan and is taken care of and done.  Because I am up 3-ish times a night to pee I also have to fight to go back to sleep because I'm worrying about taking care of X Y or Z.  These variables may include:  Will we find a dresser?  Did I ask my midwife about this particular question?  Why is so and so mad at me?  Are they mad at me?  My dishes need to be washed.  I haven't put away the clothes.... Vacuuming...hmmm... Thankfully I have the good sense to stay in bed at least until the sun comes up but after that I'm screwed...  Anyway, with that I proudly show off the following projects that are now DONE!!!

Stella's Room:

 So when Paisley had this crib she happily attempted to eat it and there are little teeth marks and bits of finish missing from the top.  I'm hoping that having the guards across the top will help prevent Stella from doing the same.  I'm so in love with the fabric I found-I love color so much and this has lots!

 I revamped an existing mobile and this is the view from Stella's point of view.  I still have yet to wash a lot of things (such as the changing table!!) but it still feels so good to have it all put together.

 I put faces on the dang owls and I think they look silly because they eyes look bored...but they ended up being more effort than I wanted to put in so I don't know if I care.  lol

Paisley's Room:

 I've been collecting and putting things together for this for awhile.  Paisley and I spent all Friday painting and such to finish this up.  She is obsessed with the letter "P" and is super happy to have it hanging on her wall-particularly because it's sparkly.  The silhouette is actually her and was one of the more difficult things to do because she wouldn't hold still for me to take the dang picture!!  The orange frame was at the dollar store!  The blue/pink elephant was originally brown/pink and was an awesome gift from Rachel when Paisley was born.  The middle is a spring picture of the temple and the pic of her and Jon is a canvas that I finally gave up on stretching and just decided to pin to the wall.  I love that I took the picture crooked-I promise it's not that crooked on the wall!

And her blanket.  She loves.  I'm just so glad it worked out.  I found the fun fabric on etsy and fell in love.  She loves elephants and that's been her room 'theme" since she was born so I thought it would be fun to stick with it.  She loves minky fabric so I did the edges and elephant in minky so it's snuggly and the backing is a soft fuzzy fabric too that I found for really cheap (and was so glad to find out it survived being washed a couple of times now so it's not too cheap).  We may get her a bed frame someday, but in the meantime this has been working great.

This dresser is not nearly as neon as it looks in this pic.  I promise.  But it is really fun and bright.  I'm so happy with how it all worked out.  We've been looking for awhile now on craigslist and at DI and haven't been able to find anything.  Finally we went to DI on Saturday and there it was-the perfect dresser.  This isn't it.  This is Jon and I's old dresser that we've been wanting to replace forever.  I always figured we'd finally buy the one that went with our bed and give this to one of our kids so it worked out great.  The dresser we found matches our room perfectly and needs some love, but that's for another day.  It needs to be stripped and sanded and glossed and such and well, I'm tired.  So we got this painted and switched over and that was good enough!

I'm so glad that it's all done.  I have some sorting and washing and such to do, but I have a place to put the baby, Paisley's room is all put together and I'm feeling much better!!  Now, to get some cleaning done...

{update}: some ramblings

I think..I hope I can safely say that currently being pregnant hasn't been so bad.  I think this is what I was remembering when I wanted to do this again.  I'm still sick and usually uncomfortable...but for me this is mild compared to what it has been.  And that has been nice.  I feel like I'm huffing and puffing all the time trying to get air and continually pressing my hands into my lower back-but I can't help but feel so blessed that I can hop in a hot bath or warm up my heat pad for some relief.  I have no idea how women used to do this-sleeping on the floor or straw!  Only cold water to bathe in!  No prenatal care!  We are blessed.

I've really been trying more and more to do prenatal yoga.  It really helps.  And it's super mellow compared to any usual yoga so I really can't complain.  I'm just hoping to be strong enough to be able to squat for any period of time and not tire out too fast.  We'll see how that goes. I had tired out long before I was even in labor with Paisley...lol.  Sleeping is getting harder and harder to do and I'm not looking forward to those last few weeks.

Speaking of super important life events and decisions...I can't decide what to do with my hair.  Jon really REALLY wants me to grow it out and I'm on the fence.  I think I'm going to go for it...I just hate shag phase SO much and I also hate doing my hair...so we'll see how long it lasts.  Votes?

I'm working on my birth plan-I'll be sure to post at least a follow up comical one to last time.  If you never had the chance to read that one, it is quite funny.  I should post a link...but I'm lazy and it's in the archives to the right somewhere...

And that should be all for now.  If I could just get some projects done I'll post pics!

{holidays}: easter

So I've really be struggling with taking pictures of my personal life since being prego.  After failing miserably at both Thanksgiving and Christmas I figured I had better get some decent pictures at Easter.  She still doesn't have an Easter dress, so no cute Easter Sunday pics, but she will.  I'm hoping to find or make something darling that will work for that and also Christina's wedding...so we'll see.  Anyway, we spent the week in Idaho last week but were lucky enough to go on this cute easter egg hunt here in St George (in the warm weather) before we left.  She loved it!  Especially when she realized that the eggs were full of candy! 

 We did "easter morning" on Saturday instead of Sunday up in Idaho Falls and Paisley loved all the fun things in her basket.  I tried to do things other than just candy-she got easter panties, baby bottles, chalk and stickers (her favorite!).  She was so cute!

 And we went easy this year and instead of dying easter eggs I bought at kit and we made pirate eggs.  I love.

Happy Easter!!