I have to brag...

I have to brag just a little bit...just a little bit.  I weighed myself yesterday and I am now down to my pre-pregnancy weight.  Yep.  And Paisley will be 2 weeks old tomorrow.  Now, it really isn't fair because I still look like a deflated balloon and I was overweight to begin with, but it was quite a shock to see the number on the scale.  Breast-feeding is awesome for burning calories, I will tell you that.  I'm done bragging, I just had to record this for posterity because normally losing weight is a very painful uphill battle for me, so this has been so cool.  In other news, Paisley is doing awesome.  She has been kind enough to give me a 4 hour break from feeding each night, so I at least get a slightly longer nap.  Normally she's every 3 hours or so, sometimes every 2, so 4 is wonderful.   This last week has been a difficult transition for me.  Monday was a huge shock because I was officially left alone-no Mom, no Jon here at home with me and it was really hard.  I freaked out.  And Tuesday was really hard.  Wednesday I headed over to a friends for the day and just camped on her couch.  It was wonderful.  I needed adult interaction and someone to tell me it was going to be ok.  I don't know how so many moms before me have survived without books and the internet to consult every time she makes a weird noise or freaks out.  I had no idea I would be so obsessed with checking to see if she is breathing every moment of every day.  As I was walking around the store I had to look at all the other children and reassure myself-they are all alive, and most likely, Paisley is going to live as well and be totally fine.  But everyday has gotten a little easier, I've gotten a little more confident, and my body is adjusting to the sleep schedule.  I am no longer afraid of the dark-the more tired you are, the more that goes away.  My mind used to instantly wander to scary things in the middle of the night and it just doesn't anymore.  If it does, I'm too tired to worry about them, so it's not as bad.    It worries me because I can already feel myself forgetting...it really does happen.  Details from Paisley's birthday are slowly starting to fade and I'm sure it just gets worse-I just want to hold on to her in this moment when she is my snuggly little newborn and I know it's going to be gone so fast.  Time is already starting to speed up... and it scares me.

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