I have to brag...

I have to brag just a little bit...just a little bit.  I weighed myself yesterday and I am now down to my pre-pregnancy weight.  Yep.  And Paisley will be 2 weeks old tomorrow.  Now, it really isn't fair because I still look like a deflated balloon and I was overweight to begin with, but it was quite a shock to see the number on the scale.  Breast-feeding is awesome for burning calories, I will tell you that.  I'm done bragging, I just had to record this for posterity because normally losing weight is a very painful uphill battle for me, so this has been so cool.  In other news, Paisley is doing awesome.  She has been kind enough to give me a 4 hour break from feeding each night, so I at least get a slightly longer nap.  Normally she's every 3 hours or so, sometimes every 2, so 4 is wonderful.   This last week has been a difficult transition for me.  Monday was a huge shock because I was officially left alone-no Mom, no Jon here at home with me and it was really hard.  I freaked out.  And Tuesday was really hard.  Wednesday I headed over to a friends for the day and just camped on her couch.  It was wonderful.  I needed adult interaction and someone to tell me it was going to be ok.  I don't know how so many moms before me have survived without books and the internet to consult every time she makes a weird noise or freaks out.  I had no idea I would be so obsessed with checking to see if she is breathing every moment of every day.  As I was walking around the store I had to look at all the other children and reassure myself-they are all alive, and most likely, Paisley is going to live as well and be totally fine.  But everyday has gotten a little easier, I've gotten a little more confident, and my body is adjusting to the sleep schedule.  I am no longer afraid of the dark-the more tired you are, the more that goes away.  My mind used to instantly wander to scary things in the middle of the night and it just doesn't anymore.  If it does, I'm too tired to worry about them, so it's not as bad.    It worries me because I can already feel myself forgetting...it really does happen.  Details from Paisley's birthday are slowly starting to fade and I'm sure it just gets worse-I just want to hold on to her in this moment when she is my snuggly little newborn and I know it's going to be gone so fast.  Time is already starting to speed up... and it scares me.

My sweet baby girl...

I cannot believe it was a week ago today that I was in labor...it has gone so fast.  I know that Jon wrote the run down of what happened, but for journaling sake I thought I would add some.  Childbirth is painful.  There really isn't any way around it.  For the most part I was able to keep it together while I was in the shower on my ball, but the minute that they needed me to get out and monitor me I would lose it.  I got the privilege of seeing how much strength Jon really has-he kept me together when I wasn't in the shower and made the last stretch before the epidural possible.  The worst was wanting to cry so badly because of the pain and not being able to-I would try and sob and I just couldn't.  It was hard to watch Jon do everything he could not to cry also.  When she checked me and said I was at a 6 I said good, let's do the epidural.  I had a goal of going natural, but mostly just wanted to see how I could handle everything.  The childbirth education classes that we downloaded recommended trying to put off pain meds until at at least a 5 so making it to a 6 was good enough for me.  I'm so glad I got an epidural.  I went from a 6 to a 9 in an hour-which could have been because of the pain relief, but either way I don't know that I wanted to feel that.  That was really my conclusion about the whole thing as well-I kept asking myself if I could do this and the answer was mostly yes, but really did I want to do this without pain relief?  That's what made the decision for me.  I didn't want to.  It hurt a lot.  Anyway my only complaint about getting the epidural is that I feel like I was emotionally numb as well as physically.  It really could be the shock of everything that was going on but after she came everyone was really emotional and teary-eyed and I didn't feel a lot.  I mostly just wanted to sleep.  It was so wonderful having her laid on my chest immediately after she was born-she didn't cry and settled herself right in, safe and happy as can be.  Jon cut the cord-he wasn't sure that he could but he did and he said it wasn't so bad.  I also feel very lucky because Paisley got the hang of nursing down fairly quickly.  We have our struggles sometimes now, but those first few days she did really well.  The hospital was wonderful to us.  My nurse through delivery was amazing and very supportive of what I wanted to do.  I feel so blessed to have had everything go so well and to see that Paisley is so healthy.  I have turned into everything I promised I wouldn't.  I don't want to put her down, I have a hard time being in another room, and I wake up every 5 minutes because I'm not sure if she's breathing.  Jon and I went to target the day after we came home to grab a couple things and we left her with my mom...the entire time we were there I was on the verge of tears-every squeak and cry we heard sent me looking for her.  Jon is beginning to believe I'm a crazy person.  I am.  I have a feeling this journey is only going to get more exhausting...but we sure do love her.

It's a girl! (duh...)

So here's the story...

Sunday night April was having random contractions and wasn't feeling great, and went to bed. She woke up several times during the night. She woke up at three having pretty strong contractions, she had a bowl of cereal at 4am, and went back to bed. At 4:55am after a cork popping, April jumped jumped right out of bed and stood there as her water gushed onto the carpet. I was awake for this and witnessed the whole event. Got our stuff together and went to the hospital around six. Went right from triage to our room because her water was definitely broken. With a goal of going natural, she used getting in and out of the shower and her yoga ball to make it to a six, but decided that it was time for an epidural (I was also ready for her to get an epidural). Within an hour of the epidural April progressed to a nine, and at noon began pushing. I was holding her left leg and could see the top of Paisley's hairy head. April pushed so well that the nurse had to stop her (with the top of Paisley's head sticking out) so our child wouldn't be born before the doctor got there. He showed up, and with very little effort, Paisley popped out at 1:09pm August 17th. She weighed 7lbs 10oz, and was 20 inches long. She and April are both doing great. Paisley has been nursing well, and is a very calm and snuggly baby (which is awesome - because she will be replacing the cat which is neither of those things for me). We are accepting visitors with gifts, hours are from 8 to 8. We will be gone tomorrow, so hurry!

Paisley Mae Davis (about three minutes old)

The weigh-in...

Daddy and Paisley Cakes...

Sleepy Paisley...

Paisley mid squeak

Paisley has Daddy's furrowed brows...

Sleepy sleepy Paisley...

A few announcements...

• I am still pregnant.
• Today is my due date.
• Aubree (who was due after me) had her baby yesterday and I cried in jealousy.
• Jon would not let me go on any of the carnival rides at the Fair yesterday because of my "condition."
• I'm tired of having a "condition"
• People look at me funny when I tell them that I would like to be in the hospital anytime in the near future.
• And even with my condition, I managed to be in the parade this morning with the halloween store-pink wig and all.

I will post again when things are looking a bit brighter...

Day #268

Labor no longer scares me...being pregnant a whole lot longer does.