I love this book. I cried a lot while I read it. I'm really struggling. I think the hardest part is that I will have a good couple of days where I'm not AS sick so I start to think maybe it's letting up. And then it comes back-with a vengeance. I keep hearing it's supposed to be so much better with my second baby. Nope. I actually think I might be worse. I also made the mistake of not realizing how much the zofran really is keeping me alive and missed a pill. I didn't recover for a couple of days. I keep thinking it's not doing much because I still feel so sick all of the time. It is doing SO MUCH.
You see, I am part of the blessed 1% that has hyperemesis gravidarum meaning that left unmedicated I would lose more than 5% of my body weight (which I did with Paisley before meds) and that most likely I will be sick for the entire pregnancy (also how things went with Paisley). Morning sickness is such a hardship that is really difficult to explain. I'm so happy to be pregnant because it results in a baby, BUT I'm not actually that happy to be pregnant because I feel like I have a disease.
I see why it's hard for people to understand too-if you've never been sick for weeks at a time, constantly trying not to throw up, gagging often, you just can't understand how it is. I feel like a terrible mother-we just watch tv all day. I feel like I've completely lost track of any sort of healthy diet-all veggies are gross to me, as is meat (minus buffalo wings, who knew) but coke and any starchy carbs are great.
I try so hard to be normal but I feel like I'm over compensating half the time...I just don't feel like myself and if I'm left to my thoughts too long all I can think is that I'm going to be sick until June. That is so far... So I've been tired and grumpy and ultimately just a sad case.
Normally I try to avoid blogging too much when I'm in this state...it's funny because when I was sick with Paisley there were just a couple of months I was mostly absent from blogging for this same reason. All I can do is keep praying that I at least get my energy back in the second tri like I did with Paisley-that helped out immensely with making the sickness bearable last time. This time I wanted to blog this mostly for myself so that looking back when I want another one I can read this and really think long and hard before I do it again. Also, really just to reach out and offer any support to anyone that is going through this as well...its hard.