{zumba}: zombies!

 Twas a thrusday night, before halloween...
and the air crisp with the sweet smell of humans...
 Kim "I love brains" Cooper
 April "Eat your soul" Davis
 And Monica "the "happy" zombie" Boyle were out on the prowl...
 "Yes!!  Fresh meat!" exclaimed Christina "I love flesh" Clark.
 "Oh no! She's trying to eat me first"  I cried.
 Yep, not scared at all...not with the paint, red contacts...nothing...


{party}: a surprise for rachel and chad ;)

 Princesses!  We have tinkerbell, Snow White, Aurora, Ariel, and Princess Paisley...
 The Coopers got some ink done!
 The Squires and their little skeleton!
 The Moo Cow family...AKA the Wrights!
 Mon and her Gartenzwerg-FAVORITE!!
 Grumpy and Twiggy.

And my husbands awesome Viking Thighs-that's family history for you!  So much fun!  Thanx to everyone that came!

{fhe}: corn maze!

 I don't think this would have been possible with normal strollers-once again, can I say how grateful I am for our jogger?!
 You might ask yourself "why are they all looking to the sky in a corn maze?  are they really that lost?"
 Actually, we were looking at the giant spider on a stick...
 The boys.
 The "men."
 The womenfolk..
 A turkey...she was givin' me the eye!
Awww...llama face!

 And a peacock a roosting!
All in all it was a good time to have for all!


{inquiry}: read me

Ok, so I am led to believe that people are reading this blog because of my counters and the new super easy Stats tab that has been provided, but no one is commenting...am I not writing anything worth commenting on? Do you read and scratch your head and think to yourself..."hmmm, she's just a nut case. I have nothing to say"? Sometimes I wonder if I am offensive? or controversial...but not really, I just like to believe that I'm controversial. Or do we just need a "like" button so we don't have to worry about commenting? So with this I add 6 statements for you to comment about that are extremely controversial:
  • I like milk. A lot. There are 6 gallons of milk in my fridge currently and they will be all gone by next week. promise.
  • I just got released as the Family History Consultant in our ward. I am now the 2nd Counselor in the Relief Society-which I am loving already!!
  • I drive a car that is shaped like a toaster. Oh yes, be jealous.
  • My baby is cuter than yours. That's right-try and argue with me. We're all thinking the same thing...
  • I talk to Paisley continuously-particularly while we're at the store and people sometimes stare at me. My sister was with me yesterday and she had taken Paisley out of the cart and I didn't realize it. I was telling her all about the cheese I was looking at and asking her which kind to get and I turned and realized that Paisley was gone with my sis down another aisle. I did however have an audience of people staring at me, inquisitively...
  • I refuse to wear clothes in my own house. I do not look forward to my children growing up and realizing this because I may actually have to start wearing clothes...horrible!!

Ok, so I'm not very controversial. Now go ahead and scratch your head...I know, I'm a nutcase ;)


{in pictures}: day of the dead

Let me be the first to say that taking pictures under a black light is hard!! But so much fun! I have no idea why we turned out so purple...but there is always next year to try again!!


{rant}: vaccinations

I would just like to say how grateful I am for modern medicine. Paisley just received her last bit of vaccinations for awhile and as much as I feel bad for the poor girl when they do the injections, I am so grateful that I will never have to watch my child die slowly of polio, measles, rubella, and so on. What a sad and terrifying thing that must have been for those Mothers that had to endure that! I am so grateful to live in a country where these blessings are readily available and a church that supports and believes in such practices. I cannot for the life of me understand for a second why anyone would choose not to protect their children from such preventable illnesses! Children who have not been vaccinated are still dying in California from Rubella!! That is crazy to me! We knocked out that disease years ago with the vaccine. The most insightful thing that has been said about our generation not vaccinating was from my doctor-he just explained that our parents and grandparents have seen how these children used to die-or how they were left permanently scarred from these illnesses and they had no problem vaccinating! I am scared because I personally know a number of people that choose not to and all it takes is one case of polio to be brought in from another country and they are toast!! And unfortunately its not just from a far away country-it could be Whooping Cough from California or Measles from Salt Lake!! And I love the arguement that I've just had fear drilled into me and that is no reason to do something. Yes it is. I am afraid my kids may get these diseases-but I don't have to be if they are protected from them. It's the same reason I buckle her in when I drive my car. I don't know how you couldn't feel responsible for your childs death if they died of measles because they weren't vaccinated, just like if I didn't put Paisley in her car seat and we got into an accident. I also like to point out that if you ever want your child to be left at a daycare (even the one at my gym), be a doctor, nurse, EMT, or a number of jobs even outside the medical field, or to serve an LDS mission, they must be vaccinated. And I'm grateful for that.


{reflection}: inner warmth

I think I'm finally beginning to be more comfortable in my own skin. I don't know how else to describe it. It's weird growing-I don't want to say growing up because I refuse to, but just growing. I'm not the same person I was 3 years ago, or the same person I was 10 years ago-and I hope that if I continue in this positive direction that I will be the person I want to be in the next 10... Part of this positive direction came with grabbing on to who I was-I think I began to lose that. I became too judgemental and I actually cared what other people thought for awhile-always a bad idea. I think that began with my roommates my Freshman year of college-they could tell you everything that was wrong with a girl just by glancing at her and did!! I had never really looked at other girls quite that harshly.. It continued with people that told me repeatedly that my jokes were too inappropriate, my red lipstick was just too much and was I really going to wear that/be that/do that??
I can safely and comfortably say yes, I really am going to say that/do that/be that! And I have toned down-but not in the areas that make me who I am. I've moved on to friends that care and love me for who I am. I have an ever supportive husband that supports my ever changing hair colors. And I have a sweet baby girl who needs a mother that feels comfortable and happy in her own skin-I want Paisley to have that and to see that in me.
How did I get here? Well, for starters I just stopped looking at myself in the nude. I know that sounds harsh, but I'm a work in progress and is it really necessary? I mean I still shower and stuff.... I also made an effort to renew my love with creativity. I began making things again. I began taking pictures because I love to take pictures. Probably the biggest help was the decision to surround my self with lovers instead of haters. And really being home with my baby girl-she has helped heal me the most. She loves me. Always. No matter what. And I know that won't last forever so I hope I can just bottle a little extra every time she looks up at me with nothing but love in her eyes. I have found joy in movement again-I love zumba. I think that Jon is finally beginning his healing process too-we've had a rough couple of years...a moment of reprieve has been nice! And lastly, I wore awesome pink galoshes all day in this beautiful rainy weather and really, nothing could make one happier! I love you all!


{inquiry}: dating

Sometimes I get a little ahead of myself about what I really should be worrying about-you see, I should be more worried about Paisley falling down the stairs or eating something off the floor than I should be about her dating, but currently I'm worried about her dating. My problem: I don't know about this whole not steady dating before you're 18-ish or wanting to get married thing. It's not because I don't understand why-I totally get why. I just don't think it's a good idea to teach my daughter that it's perfectly acceptable to just use guys to get free food and not feel like she has any reason to give it a second thought if she just dates everybody all the time. Doesn't that teach a huge lack of commitment and such? I don't want her to not date, or to steady date neccessarily, but I don't really want her running around thinking that she doesn't have to commit to anyone and guys are just a resource for food and fun. I think this stems from girls I knew in college that did this for a living-they never had to buy themselves food if they constantly lined up dates for every night. They would string guys along until they wanted more and then dump them on their face only to move on to their roomates. Now I know that sounds extreme but if we're telling our kids not to steady date and not let it go anywhere then where is is supposed to go? And what is the point of dating if its never supposed to go anywhere???!?! I know its supposed to just be for fun, but can we stop pretending that teenagers don't have feelings? They do. If anything, that have WAY too many feelings. Personally I never did get this figured out through high school or college. I can only recall one dance that I went to that wasn't with a boyfriend. I LOVED every one of those boys-I really did. And I hated the girls that had no problem letting boys spend hoards of their parents money on them only to say-well, thanx-you're a good friend. I doubt they spend that much on their guy friends-why are we encouraging them to spend so much on girls that are only supposed to be friends also?!?! I really, really do understand why they discourage steady dating-its completely pointless before a mission and a terrible waste of time, feelings, heart-ache and money as well! So what am I supposed to do? Tell Paisley dating is a waste of time and such anyway and not to bother with it? Allow her to decide and hope she makes good decisions? Forbid dating until she wants to get married (I've seen the effects of this too and it produces stupid, stupid girls) I'm lost-and I know it is a ways away but I still worry! What do you think?


{excerpt}: women, food, & God

I have raved about how much I love this book before. I loved it so much after I read it I went and bought a second copy and sent it to my Mom. My Mom had to steal it back from my sister because she also wanted to read it! She loved it so much she took the time to type up this excerpt and post it on her blog so I stole it and am now posting it here!! Keep in mind this is a book about dieting and food-once you read this, I think you will understand all the more why I love it!!

An excerpt from "Women, Food, And God"

"I shut myself down or walk out the door when pain threatens to destroy me- which is in any situation that involves another human being or whose outcome I can't control. Something else is happening-the refusal to accept- and therefore engage in...life as it is. In the way things are. Polar bears are dying. Honeybees are vanishing. The oceans are drying up. There is a part of me that wants my money back. That wants to say I didn't sign up for this, I don't like the way this whole thing is set up and I won't participate in it.

Stephen Levine, a buddhist teacher, says that hell is wanting to be somewhere different from where you are. Being one place and wanting to be somewhere else. Being constantly agitated- another word for nonaccepting- about the inevitable. Being in a relationship with someone and refusing to surrender to love becase you don't want to give yourself to something you will eventually lose. That is called living in hell. That's also called leaving without leaving. Dying before you die. It's as if there is a part of you that rails against being shattered by love that you shatter yourself first."

Sometimes life is hard and I don't want the trials I'm given. I know I should be glad for the opportunity to grow; but unfortunately, sometimes I'm just not grateful for the chance to be stretched to what feels like wayyyy past my limit. To be at the beginning of what feels like a never ending tunnel.

The thing that is important to realize though, is that long before I came to this earth, I did "sign up for this." And when I made my decision, I knew full well that it would be hard and full of challenges. If I made that choice then, knowing what was coming...then I must have definately known that it would all be worth it in the end. And sometimes, that is a little piece of knowledge that reminds me to keep on going. A dim light in the distance.