{baby}: whine

I.am.so.done.

*Disclaimer:  if you don't like reading posts about pregnant women complaining about their pregnancy, just pass this one and go read something else.  I promise I know how blessed I am to be pregnant-biologically speaking I come from a family that has a hard time with pregnancy and my sweet mother can't have babies..so I know, I really do.


I read an article on babycenter today titled "The Top 12 things pregnant women miss during their pregnancies."  I thought it would make me laugh.  I cried.  In the top were sex and booze.  I don't think I've ever wanted to take up drinking more than when I'm pregnant...and OOOohhhhh...I miss sex.  It's not that we can't, it's just that its not really fun anymore.

I've almost blatantly ignored most of the food warnings-I haven't wanted sushi so I've stayed away, but I've eaten plenty of lunch meat, over-easy eggs and cookie dough.  Not tons, but I don't usually eat that much of it anyway.  I miss wanting and enjoying food.  Loving food is my kind of normal.  Not wanting and being able to enjoy food is awful for me.

I do miss cute shoes.  I keep telling myself I'm just going to wear them anyway...and then Sunday rolls around and I have a 7:30 am meeting and the last thing I want to do is put on heels.  So flats it is...frowny face.

Feeling strong and independent...another one on the list.  I fight this one.  Hard.  I HATE not being able to do it myself.  And I've really tried to maintain, but ultimately I find myself continually asking for help in one way or the other.  It's just hard.

One of the worst...peaceful sleep.  I love my sleep.  so, so much.  And those days are over.  I got so sick and tired of everyone telling me (when I was pregnant with Paisley) to just enjoy those last few weeks of pregnancy because "it was going to be SOO much worse once the baby was here."  These people are idiots and obviously did not have difficult pregnancies or just haven't had children.  I sleep in 1 hour intervals right now-with a baby I was getting AT LEAST 3 hour intervals at the worst!  And those 3 hour intervals were actual sleep, not just closing my eyes and passing out in exhaustion only to wake up and hour later with a charlie horse in my hip.  And I want SO badly to sleep on my back or stomach...soo soo badly.

I think it should be impossible for pregnant women to get the flu.  I got it for the second time this pregnancy earlier this week and ended up in the hospital again.  Ug.  I hate it so much.  As if having morning sickness still wasn't enough I got to go ahead and have the full blown flu.  With the flu came super bad lower back spasms, charlie horses in both hips and calfs, and finally contractions.  So I'm currently dilated to a 3...which may or may not mean anything.  Thankfully everything stopped because I wasn't too keen on going into full blown labor in such a miserable state, and my lovely birth companion would have been no help to me either (as he also lay home dying with the same thing).  We are, so thankfully, both alive and well currently.

Lastly, I hate complaining.  I hate having such a strong desire to complain.  It's hard to fight it.  I'm miserable.  Distractions are nice, but even they end up being short lived.  I want to be done.  I really want to meet Stella.  I really want to sleep and eat and snuggle a new little one.  Feel bad for me.  It's a rough day.

{update}: may

I had a good mother's day.  I cooked all of my own meals, I didn't get any flowers, chocolates or cards BUT my husband was smart enough to redeem himself by giving me some unique treats.  He finally let me wax his eyebrows (I have been wanting to for the last 7 years!!!  YAAAYY!!), he and I practiced a bunch of birthing positions to see what we like, and he gave me a nice foot rub.  AND he almost stayed awake through an entire birthing documentary I've been wanting him to watch.  It was very sweet.

Stella is getting big.  She also seems to be getting a bit uncomfortable as well.  Last night I can honestly say she was hurting me.  She is head down and kept sticking her bum out as hard as she could on one side while her feet were sticking out the other.  I think she just wanted to stretch.  I'm so ready to meet her.  She has started to "startle" too.  If I've been quiet for a bit and I yell or there is a super loud noise she jumps.  It's funny.

I hate my kitchen floor.  so much.

Paisley is making more sense.  She is working so hard to group more and more words into coherent thought.  It's really interesting.  She's been acting out more and overly cuddly some days and then super easy going and sweet others.  I think she knows somethings coming.  Or she's just 2.  Who knows.

I have successfully FINALLY kept some plants alive on my back patio!!  And I'm super proud of myself!  I have basil and thyme sharing a planter and they are still alive and thriving!!  I'll have to take a picture.  This may never happen again.

I hate selfish people.  I also hate insincere gratitude.  I love to help people but not when they act that way.  It just makes it awful.

I'm super excited to see all of my family at the end of this month including my Grandma!!  It's not often they all come to St. George which makes my life so easy.  I just hope I get to really see everyone with all the craziness of the wedding.

And wish me luck.  Jon and I are embarking on a pioneer trek this weekend with our ward.  Paisley has never had to pee out in the woods and so I'm hoping that goes well.  It's going to be a fun camping trip...I hope!

{parenting}: my 2 cents

I actually was thinking about writing an over-opinionated entry about crunchy vs. conventional parenting and with the TIME magazine cover all over facebook, it gives me the perfect opportunity to do so.  It's so interesting because I can say before having Paisley I was much more conventional, but since having her I've definitely gotten more crunchy.  I think that just happens...
Without further ado:

• Childbirth:  I'm pro-hospital, pro-natural as possible.  I've talked about this a ton lately.  The more I've studied the options I'm actually no longer against home birth, it's just not something I want to do.  Statistically (with the assistance of trained labor professionals)  it is safer to have your baby at home HOWEVER if you do have to be transferred it is usually while in hard labor and do you really want to be getting into a car or ambulance in hard labor?  I do not.  And our hospital is so accommodating if you know what to ask for I just don't see a reason not to do it there.
• Breastfeeding:  I'm pro-breastfeeding.  It's not easy.  And it's not always fun either.  But I really think the benefits outweigh the negatives so much that I will always recommend giving it your very best shot.  As far as "extended" breastfeeding goes (so like past the year mark)...they keep proving that there are heath benefits for the baby, and even the mother but I was ready to be done at a year and so was Paisley.  I'm thinking it will probably be that way with all my children, but who knows...like so many things it will be child by child, year by year.  
• Bedsharing:  I'm against.  Just for myself personally.  I used to think people that shared their bed with their kids were crazy-now I can see the benefits of it.  But I need my space, and I need my sleep.  There were a couple of times Paisley slept with us (rough night, sickness) and 2 different times I actually rolled on top of her and Jon had to wake me up so I didn't continue to smother our child.  From 6 months to a year Paisley would wake up at 7 and if I nursed her in bed and kept her there she would sleep until 9.  I resolved that if she needed to sleep with me from 7-9 AM until she was 14 and that meant I got to sleep til 9 it was worth it.  lol.  She slept in our room until she was 6 months and I wonder how long I'll keep my next in with us. I don't mind sharing a room at all-but I may move my next to their own when they start sleeping through the night, which for Paisley was around 8-9 weeks so we'll see...
• Crying it out:  I'm totally for it within reason.  I don't think brand new babies are trying to manipulate their parents...but i remember thinking that in my zombie-like state when she would be crying about absolutely nothing.  I feel very blessed because for the most part Paisley really did only cry when she needed something-and so she had a reason to cry.  Once whatever it was was resolved, she was usually fine.  I hope so much all my babies are that way.  There were a couple of nights though that everything had been resolved, she had been held and loved on and she still needed to cry..and so we let her.  I think it was a good thing.  She's a very good self-soother.
• Baby-wearing:  I love.  I have a small collection of slings and wraps and I really think baby-wearing is the way to go.  Once again, when I read up on attachment parenting and baby-wearing before having a child I thought it was crazy.  Why in the world would you want to continue to be carrying a child after you finally don't have to (because you're not prego anymore).  That is how I got things done.  I love having a happy baby and my hands free.  Nursing is super easy and you don't have to wear a cover half the time if you're sneaky.  And  carrying around the dang carseat with the child in it makes it tooooo heavy!!  I wore her to church for the first 3-6 months and she slept the entire time!  And a big bonus-no one touches your child when you're wearing them so you don't have as many of the creepy old people wanting to touch and kiss your child.  I read up so much research about the countries where people wear their babies and their complete lack of colic and I think that's what sold me.  (colic scares me)  So I love baby-wearing. *side note: I will however lug the carseat around with me when the car is 110 degrees or super cold so the temperature stays regulated.
• Diapers:  I hate the earth and I love disposable diapers.  It's cool, you can judge me.  
• Baby food:  I wanted to make my own.  It did not happen.  Once I realized there weren't any added sugars, preservatives, etc in normal baby food we just bought it.  And I didn't feed her one thing at a time.  And she was eating mostly table food by 9-10 months.  I did switch from standard baby mush to a more whole grain but other than that I think I was pretty conventional...and I love that she loves food like her mama...

I know there's more hot topics that I'm forgetting...but I've been controversial enough for today.  I'm interested to see if any of these things change as I have this next one...because so much of what I thought I knew changed when I had Paisley.  Right now I'm just dying to know when this child is going to make her big debut...she starts checking me next week!!!  I'm so ready to be done.  Pray I survive this last month!!